…
No. No, I'm not doing this. I'm not gonna do something where I have to FORCE the comedy out because of a really crappy movie. Yes, I'm well aware I changed it to a bad comedy, but considering the other movie is a Hitchcockless sequel made for Showtime, how much mileage can I get out of it when you need to know it's all of that AND directed by Alan Smithee. I'm sorry, I know I change my mind on what I wanna review, but for each moment where it's because something I know would result in better jokes, summary, and overall writing comes along, there's moments where it's because my original plans come off as “Ugh, I HAVE to do this” and that's not fair to me OR you guys.
So, without further delay...
One of the greatest modern romance stories of all time is Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? A movie centered around an upcoming mixed race marriage in the 60's and how the in-laws deal with it, confronting stuff (Re: Attitudes and prejudices) they didn't know they had, the main couple's feelings vs. their families feelings, and one of the best “Go to Hell” scenes known to man.
There's multiple attempts at “Uh-oh, family sees loved one isn't one of their own” for both drama and comedy with various degrees of success, but there's only one Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? and it's an all time classic.
Which is why there's only one conclusion...
NOBODY WANTS TO SEE A COMEDY VERSION!
In 2005, Sony would try a reverse of this, a white guy being engaged to a black woman from a successful family with a dad who prefers her to find another black man, with Guess Who, and despite the talents of Bernie Mac and Ashton Kutcher, the critics weren't too happy with it on the grounds that, despite the message of loving one another still resonating decades after the original, the politics and time that fueled the original had changed. The reason the original was needed and is a classic is because racial tensions in the 60's were on such a high, it was actually illegal in certain states FOR the main couple.
In 2005, not so much. So, in order for it to work in 2005, they had to bump up the comedy to obnoxious racist in-law.
You can guess why something that's supposed to be a reverse Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? as a comedy didn't please the critics and some of the audience.
Now, imagine that idea only doubled, more obnoxious, and dependent on half the comedy being from Carlos Mencia.
I'd say stop laughing, but was anybody really laughing at Our Family Wedding?
Taking a movie and changing the cultural dynamic isn't new, it's been done for years not just because of remakes of foreign movies, but there's times where the plot can be applied to other cultures. British movie Death At A Funeral had one in America about an African American family going through the process only for things to go wrong. The original was centered around a white British family, but almost everything could be moved over with the comedy intact. The only true switch over was a Guess Who's Coming to Dinner style subplot where one of the relatives is engaged to a white dude and they had to make a good impression.
See, that can fly because the antics (Getting a relaxing drug mixed up with a haluicagen) are intact and the focus is that the side effects are one of the things gone wrong.
When you do it more as the main plot, you have to have a def touch, even in the 21st century. Too strong, and the movie comes off as beating you over the head with a stick while shouting “DO YOU GET IT, STUPID!? HUH, HUH!? WELL, YOU'RE TOO DANG STUPID TO, SO LET ME HIT YOU SOME MORE, STUPID!”
Too weak and you'd wind up getting characters who are so flat, unlikable, and with no desire to watch, you're left wondering why the couple didn't just go to Vegas and have an Elvis marry them.
Guess where this falls? The fact it's here should tell you everything.
So, the movie opens and we're introduced to our mixed race couple for the movie, the African American Marcus Boyd (Lance Gross) and the Latin American Lucia Ramirez (America Ferrera) as they talk about meeting their parents, how she's wondering how she'll tell her's they dropped out of law school, his dad will be with her, etc. So far, so good...
Then we meet the future in-laws.
First, there's Marcus's dad, Brad (Forrest Whitaker), a successful DJ with a hit late night radio program, and Lucia's dad, Miguel (Carlos Mencia). Both are doing their jobs, Brad's show about Valentine's Day and Miguel making a custom low rider...and treating it like one would treat a woman complete with...caressing it...
Believe it or not, not the creepiest thing this movie's gonna do. Here's a hint, the fact that 3 dudes wrote this thing should tell you it's gonna hurt later...like a front kick to the nuts by somebody wearing new baseball shoes.
...when Miguel gets a call...while still caressing the car...from his wife, Sonya (Diana-Maria Riva), and she's none to happy. Why? Because he's caressing the car on the same night Brad is telling dudes not to be idiots...VALENTINE'S DAY! D'HO!
Do not be alarmed, that groan in place of laughter is normal. Remain calm.
Meanwhile, on Brad's side of things, we see him in the nightclub picking up women...the age of his son.
Boy...the viewer can root for these two already, huh? Yeah, it's not a good sign when at the start of the movie, you have an idiot dad who treats cars like women and wonder if the other got her parents' permission.
And no, I'm not a prude, I get that they're both adults...but it gets really creepy when the other party is in your son's class.
The next day, Miguel leaves his very tense wife to go to his job at the garage and meets his other daughter (Who works there with him), Isabel (Anjelah Johnson), who informs him that the half of his employees responsible for towing called in sick. Why? Turns out he refuses to cover health benefits. Comes off as wanting to hump the car he built, refuses to cover his employees' health benefits...and leaves calling the tomboy daughter his “Favorite Son” to get under her skin.
Battin' 1,000 so far, huh?
This all leads up to Miguel meeting Brad when it turns out his car parked overnight on a spot you can't. He spots him just in time as Miguel can't hook the car because the device that closes in on the tires didn't work, thus legally, the tow is canceled...except he hits it, and the car gets hooked. While Brad was still there.
So, from a perspective, it already looks like Miguel is gonna be the worst of the two because all Brad does is pick up women half his age, where as Miguel just violated the law, did some unethical stuff, forgot his wife for a car, AND screwed over his employees, right? Well...then the argument happens. Brad cries he doesn't trust the car to “Someone like” Miguel, complete with “Oh, you don't speak English” and the two calling each other “Bro,” “Essie,” “Cuz,” etc.
In short?
“I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, BUDDY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR BUDDY, GUY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR GUY, FRIEND!”
Only more racist and you don't like anybody.
And to drive how home unlikable the people we're supposed to root to change our? Brad grabs the door handle and tries to force a biker to be a witness while Miguel drives away...with Brad still holding the handle. This causes Brad to call his friend and lawyer, Angie (Regina King...and yes, she's the best part of this thing), who forces Brad to ride in the back for his antics. And...yeah, I gotta admit, Regina King and Forrest Whitaker have the best chemistry in this thing. The relationship feels natural and the conversation they have in the car feels real.
So...how does the movie screw up this good will?
We jump over to Miguel and Sonya getting ready and...she looks resentful the minute he says she looks fine, and flat out angry when he brings up the car from earlier...which was made to be a gift to Lucia. No...not the disturbing part yet, but pretty dang close.
Unless it's normal for mothers to get angry that their husbands are giving their daughter a graduation gift. Anybody know if that's grounds for divorce in some states?
So, at first, it looks like the typical “Oop, dad wasn't told about boyfriend” set up, with Miguel saying “Call me Mr. Ramirez,” then it escalates with remarks like “I'll be right black” when he goes to get the champagne from the car.
…
Wait...can you do that at a fancy restaurant? Did the Ritz ever have a BYOB night?
Brad then shows up...complete with plot fairy as it turns out his date being an old classmate of Lucia, leading to Isabel purposely adding more tension to the night on the grounds that three dudes wrote this. And, no, that's not the part I warned you about earlier, but it's still a sign 3 dudes wrote this. Or do sisters sabotage each other and call it a Monday? Anyway, both Brad and Miguel come back, and...
“I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, BUDDY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR BUDDY, GUY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR GUY, FRIEND!”
15 minutes in and, like I said about the writing, I don't like anybody and I'm wondering why the two kids didn't go to Vegas and get married by an Elvis.
Marcus shows a clear head and tells everybody to sit...but not even one minute after telling them to shut up...I don't think even 30 seconds in...
“I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, BUDDY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR BUDDY, GUY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR GUY, FRIEND!”
Did I mention I don't like anybody?
So, because the get-together didn't go as planned, Lucia wants to just go right to the meals without telling everybody...but Marcus dives head first and says they're getting hitched...and she drops the bombshell that he's leaving to do a doctor's without boarders thing, causing everybody to think she's pregnant for...reasons.
Did I mention 3 dudes wrote this?
Then she drops her own bombshell: She's going with him. Oh, that whole dropped out of law school thing? Well, considering the two fathers were ready to kill each other, cooler heads say...LIE YOUR ASS OFF! Yes, because with two people with fuses shorter than a Pixar short film, you wanna keep on bullshitting!
The next day, after some scenes of the families interacting with each other...with Marcus's side actually being pretty funny (And Marcus's dad making it clear he's worried that he's jumping in head first), Marcus goes off to try to bond with Lucia's family. And because Miguel is an asshole, this leads him to tricking him into riding to the police station because it turns out, one thing he doesn't like...
ONE OF the things, given his actions.
...about Marcus is that he knows nothing about him. So, through Miguel's LAPD friends, Marcus submits a finger print and it's all out in the open...except, well, to get him to do that, Miguel had to show him...and he gets HIS ass thrown into jail because of a public nudity charge from the 80's, complete with his wife bailing him out.
Sometime later, to show good will (Especially when the wife bailed him out), Miguel returns Brad's car...only for it to go right into...
“I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, BUDDY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR BUDDY, GUY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR GUY, FRIEND!”
If you're already sick of the South Park gag in this review, congrats, you know exactly what it's like to sit through these fights. Don't worry, there's the rest of the movie to go.
After a bit that can be summed up as “Der, a dad don't know how another dad's modern bathroom works” AND searching said dad's bathroom for Viagra...because the sky's blue, I guess...we get---
“I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, BUDDY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR BUDDY, GUY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR GUY, FRIEND!”
---culture...as a...dick measuring...contest...anybody else hear comedy begging to be put out of it's misery? After Angie tells everybody to act like grown ups and combine traditions, we get a mixed bag montage of everything being set up. I say mixed bag because it really doesn't get funny until the seating arrangements and...yeah, this is what I wish the movie was.
Everybody trying to figure out how to get along, funny jokes about family, and most of all...
THE FATHERS SHUT UP FOR A MINUTE!
I get the point of a Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? plot, why it's there, etc. You can still have it in some form, that both families don't know how to deal with the culture clash without either side looking THAT bad. Get them to know each other setting up the wedding, show how they react to both sides coming together, some dark comedy involving either past relationships or that one family member NOBODY talks about. Instead, we had so far two assholes that make me wonder why the kids didn't elope in Vegas...and...what I've been warning you about since the start.
Remember how I said this was written by 3 dudes? Well, its time to go gown shopping and after the sister tries to start trouble, the 3 dudes decide to double down on the “Women be crazy, yo” writing. How, you may ask? Well, it turns out Sonya has been hor---”Lonely” for quite awhile on the grounds that her husband is a bit of a moron.
Sorry if I've been subtle about that.
Well, this means while her daughter tries to pick out her wedding dress, Sonya...picks out her own. Yes...apparently, if you're really really horn---”Lonely,” as a woman, you suddenly have the urge to try one wedding dre---
HAVE I MENTIONED THIS WAS WRITTEN BY 3 DUDES!?
Who does this!? No, better question since I'm a dude, who THINKS women do this!? Even morons who's first hand knowledge of the fair sex comes from Hallmark movies...WHO THINKS WOMEN DO THIS!? I even brought it up with my female friends at work, ya know what happened? They either laughed at how stupid it was, or looked at me like I grew a third eye and asked if it was glowing purple instead of blue.
Oh, and we finally find out what Isabel's deal is: Turns out the two sisters made a vow not to end up like friends they knew...or their own mom, as she keeps reminding the viewer, on the grounds that you're an idiot...
Though I doubt even the dumbest audience member comes up with “Tries wedding dresses on because horny” for obvious reasons.
...that their dad is an idiot who hasn't slept with mom in weeks...and she is within ear shot as Isabel says things that make her such an enduring character like how looking at a certain tool like water in the desert.
Have I mentioned I don't like most of these characters? Sorry if I'm subtle about it, but I REALLY DON'T LIKE MOST OF THESE CHARACTERS!
Oh, and to drive that home? During the tux fitting for the men, we get the dads arguing about how Miguel gets the white tux while Brad gets the black, caving in with “Once you go black...” causing Miguel to respond with “Credit goes bad.”
Did I mention I hate these characters?
Oh, and if the wedding dress scene wasn't bad enough proof that 3 dudes wrote this, we jump to Miguel showing Sonya the car he's been working on as a graduation gift for their daughter. It turns out it was the car they grew up having together, complete with all the good times that come with it...that she wants to recreate right now.
That's right, THE MOM WANTS TO MAKE OUT IN HER DAUGHTER'S GRADUATION GIFT! Why, yes, that reaction of so creeped out you wanna bathe in acid is a natural response.
After a moment where the families, mainly Lucia's, try to force their traditions on the wedding, we jump to a day or two later for a local softball game Miguel's company hosts with some rival team where Lucia asked Marcus and Brad to help out. After a moment of---
“I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, BUDDY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR BUDDY, GUY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR GUY, FRIEND!”
Repetitive...tired...horrible...dialogue... we get the game underway. Things go smoothly at first, even with Brad trying to start something with Miguel, hinting at some of the athletes he brings up are on the juice, to which Miguel replies “Yeah, but they're Dominican,” hinting that he found something the other dad agrees with. This actually sets up a layer to the guy as maybe there's more to---
Moments later, after he hears his daughter call Marcus babe, Miguel accidentally on purpose tosses a fastball on Marcus's back. Right, right, somebody thought a comedy version of a movie classic was in order. Layers, development, and personality? What was I thinking I was watching, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?
After that, the Ramirez family head home and Lucia finally calls the old man out and he says it's because he's no good for her. Any moron with an IQ above Mayo can see what this movie means by that, but when she lists off his good qualities, he replies “Then why didn't you say anything about him?” In a good version of this story, not only would both dads have layers to them and not be these hateful little morons, but the viewer would either take sides or wonder themselves why she didn't.
Miguel has, so far, said to the elder Boyd stuff like “I'm not your bro,” hinted that his race was a huge factor with that “Wait until you meet him” line to his own mom (Who's HORRIBLY racist herself), tried to have a police record of him called up, tried to get into a dick measuring contest with culture vs. culture, and now beaned his future son-in-law in the back.
I'm not questioning why she didn't say anything, I'm wondering why she didn't try harder to hide the guy from the obviously insane and horrible dad and elope already. It's helluva lot easier to get an Elvis go “Do, you pretty mama, take this man” than it is to find one redeeming value in Miguel.
Oh, and don't think Brad's off the hook too, as he actually tries to give the best advice he can for his son about relationships, especially since the one with his mom ended so badly. Yes, take advice from the guy who needs parents permission to sleep with one of his many many MANY girlfriends. I hear Bill Clinton back in his term made a great marriage councilor.
If you expected a Trump joke...too obvious.
The next day, Miguel and Lucia have a nice calm talk...which confirms that it was indeed his race that freaked him the *BLEEP* out as he said one of the things he pictured on top of the wedding itself was WHO she would marry. She calls him out on that, including bringing up that he taught her to be better than the way he's acting.
TIMEOUT! I CALL PERSONAL FOUL! If this asshole taught tolerance, I'll hawk NFTs.
We then jump to Brad and Angie tasting wedding cakes for the event as the chief tells 'em to try it like a bride and groom. Angie, one of the few adults over 30 that has a smart head, tries to stop it...but Brad wants to go through with it. Why? Because we gotta have them plant the seeds of them getting together, leading to a food fight to try to show how nuts Brad feels about this, and...
I actually have no objections with this.
Out of everybody in the entire movie, Whitiker and King have the best chemistry. The relationship from friends to possibly more feels natural, the banter the two have are not only what real people say in a situation like this, but are perfect because both are ready to take the verbal punch and both know they can dish it back. Makes me wish the movie was around these two.
Hell, the relationship progression feels natural, too. Both make the move, but come off as unsure as each other and is one of the few good will moments of the movie.
A moment that's gonna get screwed up faster than you can ask “How can you ruin a good thing.”
Brad and Miguel go scouting for DJs for the wedding and stop at a club, complete with a joke that a mixologest won't answer to bartender...
Do not be alarmed, the urge to throw things at the screen in place of laughter is perfectly normal.
...until the two get drunk and finally get along. Yes, because so drunk you pray to God your youth recapturing doesn't wind up on YouTube is of sane mind. This results in the two going to the DJ so floored, they're seeing the basement as the DJ says his a “Turntablist.”
Uh...I don't spin records, but I'm pretty damn sure ANY AND ALL DIGNIFIED DJS DO NOT SAY THEY'RE TURNTABLISTS!
Also, the urge to punch the 3 dudes who wrote this thing instead of laughter is normal, you're fine.
This results in a bar fight with the biggest guy in the bar...don't ask...and the both of 'em getting arrested. This time, their kids bail 'em out and...this go around, EVERYBODY is an asshole. Marcus calls out Brad for being himself while Miguel calls out Marcus for taking a non paying job and “Living off” his daughter's paychecks. The reason the first one puts Marcus as an asshole is because the tone and the call out implied that he was a really crappy dad when that was one of his few best qualities, especially given both the advice he asked for from him AND various conversations that said he taught Marcus how to cook, clean, etc. Hell, the DJ call out he did on his radio station implies that he's willing to help his son through this.
As for Miguel being an asshole to Marcus? Marcus, as you remember, is signing up for doctor's without borders. While I get that he's a concerned dad, when you call out somebody for going to a country that needs the help, you don't look like the good guy. Even ends the convo asking if Marcus would respect a man who didn't pull his own weight, ending with him saying no.
The next day, the kids drop Miguel off as he and his wife finally have it out, complete with her saying that their daughters made fun of her the other d---
…
THE OTHER DAY!? Hold up, EVERYTHING from the dress fitting until now was ONE DAY!? HOW!? Did time fold on itself? Did the movie blow up a TARDIS and there's cracks in the script? Is this a world where it runs on Digiworld time, 1 minute=several days? In short, to quote Linkara...
“WHAT TIME IS IT!?”
It's revealed that...
Again, 3 dudes wrote this.
...Sonya feels like she stopped being a woman and is more of a “Wife” and a “Mother.” Yeah, screw you ladies who dream about being either of those things, your life stops the minute you either say “I do” or a certain thing runs late. Did I mention 3 dudes wrote this? And yes, I'm well aware that's part of the subplot of Mom & Dad, but that was a comedy about a radio wave telling parents to kill their kids, this is supposed to be super serious.
And yes, I'm well aware of midlife crisis, but...last I check? TRYING ON A WEDDING DRESS ON YOUR DAUGHER'S FITTING DAY AND SEX IN HER GRADUATION GIFT WERE NOT SANE RESPONSES!
We then jump to the couple only to get our third act break up as Lucia remarks that her dad won't take the whole “Volunteer teacher instead of lawyer” thing well...
Considering everything I've been summing up, can you blame her for thinking that?
...while Marcus calls her out for not standing up for him. Again, Miguel isn't exactly proving to be the stable person, even if he was right to call her out for that. They call it off, causing Sonya to remark that “Our wedding” was off.
...so...not only was she trying on a wedding dress at her daughter's own fitting AND wanting to make love in her future car because it's a restored one of she used to have, but she views the wedding the same way a beer bellied dad on his 3rd Bud views his son's game.
Again, the urge to wash yourself in acid to clean up? Normal.
Later that day, Angie shows up to Brad's show the invoice from the caterer's...only to reveal that he's still sleeping around with women old enough to be his son, breaking her heart and going firmly back into “Asshole” territory. This leads into a montage where everybody is miserable on the grounds that this is a romantic comedy, we need the third act “Everybody sucks break up” montage.
But, not to worry, as they don't drag it out as Lucia starts the convo, saying that she didn't felt like law school wasn't for her during the first semester, wishing she had the guts to tell Miguel right away. Miguel reassures that, no matter what, he still loves her. This leads to the two sisters reconciling and Isabel taking her to the Boyds to have the bride and groom get back together.
Sure enough, she starts singing some Babyface so loud, the coyotes join in, and he comes out and the two talk while Brad thinks about his relationship with Angie and Miguel regifts the restored car to his wife, who loves it! Considering that was originally supposed to be for the daughter after she graduated/came home, the feeling of “What the Hell” in the back of your mind instead of “Awww” or laughter as she plays like a teenage girl trying to get her husband is normal, don't panic.
So, come the wedding set up and...if you thought Brad and Miguel's---
“I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, BUDDY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR BUDDY, GUY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR GUY, FRIEND!”
---repetitive...non stop...awful...running joke should've died now...arguments got annoying, imagine that for the family scale as their older relatives don't take “Compromise” for an answer and Miguel's racist grandma wrecks the wedding cake because it goes against her traditions and Brad's older family members want to kill her for that very reason. The good news is that it causes Brad and Miguel to get along as they actually tried to stop it...the bad news is because both men refuse to have a goat be killed on his property, per Miguel's cultural traditions, as both families, again, refuse to have any compromise.
All this chaos causes the goat to run into the bathroom, wreck it, and get itself doped up on Viagra, leading to a bit where it completely wrecks the wedding set up. Sure enough, this leads to “Oh, look what we did, ha, ha, ha,” reactions. In real life, I suspect everybody would be ready to kill the elder members of both families on the grounds that, since the dads are paying for this, that's more money down the drain.
Hmmm...
(One goat unleashing latter)
I can't type the rest on the grounds the lawyers are ready to kill each other.
Things get repaired, everybody gets ready, Brad tries to patch things up with Angie...who is still rightfully pissed...and the wedding goes off with out a hi---why are Brad and Miguel trying to see who sits fir---oh no...
“I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, BUDDY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR B---”
NO! STOP! THIS IS THE WEDDING! I'VE HAD MORE THAN ENOUGH OF THIS UNFUNNY CONTRIVED IN-LAWS STILL HAVE SOME HATE MESS, LET'S WRAP THIS UP!
The kids get married, Brad and Angie patch things up and we get a montage of events during the celebration, and a time jump of pictures of sometime later of Isabel introducing Miguel to her love interest, an Asian American dude, causing Miguel to...not...be happy...
…
NO! NO! WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN! WE'RE GOOD! WE ARE GOOD!
The reason the original Guess Who's Coming To Dinner? is, and will always be, a classic is because it addressed the issues at the time of a mixed race couple, which sadly still exist for a lot of people, faced just by being together. As I said before, in some states around the time of the movie, it was illegal for them to be a couple. While those issues aren't as strong and stem more from personal stuff, it works as a drama because the main in-laws aren't just addressing concerns out of race and it becomes clear as the picture goes on that it was more out of shock and fear for them than flat out hate.
That goes out the window when you make the concept a comedy.
I'm not saying that wouldn't work, but most of the time that it does, there's layers to the relative that's in the wrong that make us want to see him or her learn the lesson. There's a reason, despite his ignorant attitudes to everything, people still watch Archie Bunker. And, yes, “In laws hate each other for most of the movie” is part of the plot, but when the constant NEARLY TWO HOUR joke is---
“I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, BUDDY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR BUDDY, GUY!”
“I'M NOT YOUR GUY, FRIEND!”
---summed up by a South Park gag but not as funny, even more repetitive, and with racist moments to boot, the viewer gets exhausted and wonders why the kids didn't just have an Elvis marry 'em in Vegas. The main reason for this is why the movie didn't work, namely the viewer winds up not liking the two future in-laws to say the least.
If we have to watch these two dads be assholes to each other, there has to be something that makes us want to root, or at least watch, for the two asshole dads. What doesn't help? Starting off with the idea that one is a jerkass who won't cover his employees, breaks the law AND ethics in the same breath, wants to do his car more than his wife, and has horrible hints of racism AND a racist mom to boot (Miguel), while the other goes after women his son's age, keeps trying to start the dick measuring when the other party puts in effort for peace, AND continues to sleep with women half his age so shortly after sleeping with his best friend, complete with the “I don't wanna ruin the friendship” excuse to make it all ok (Brad).
And then there's the (rest of the) writing. Oh God, there's a reason I kept saying 3 dudes wrote this.
I somehow get the feeling the minute Sonya said she stopped being a woman and “Started to be a wife and mom,” the women who actually wanted the family life but could never get it for some reason or another were ready to throw things at the screen. The one sister being bitchy to the other to the point where she talked down about her mom like the popular girl in high school to the outcast is another prime example. And...oh God, that wedding dress scene. If your mom tries on a wedding dress during your fitting and looks ready for the rubber room, I suggest rescheduling the fitting and calling a therapist.
God, not even the most inept Hallmark rom-com would do that for obvious reasons.
Three dudes trying to write women, arguments that grow stale and old, and moments that don't make us want to watch this family come together but root for the kids to elope? It's no wonder that at the end of the day, this comes off as a bad wedding. You're leaving miserable, you wish harm on the people that forced you there, and you can't return the gifts.
FINAL VERDICT: For characters we're supposed to like, but don't, moments that drag on and on and on, moments clearly written by three dudes who do things even the most inept Hallmark special wouldn't do to women, paint by numbers, and turning a story into a comedy when nobody even asked for the classic story to be a comedy to begin with, this movie gets a MEGA ATOMIC B-MOVIE BOMB! You don't throw rice at this thing, you throw garbage. Now, if you'll excuse me, my neighbor's daughter is about to get married and I have to explain the traditions of the groom...how do I explain the pain boxes, anyway?
