A while back, the Nostalgia Critic
brought up just how commercial A Christmas Story has
gotten over the years from replicas of the infamous leg lamp to
Christmas/Holiday food products baring it's name and an entire cell
phone ad that parodied the plot of the movie, replacing “You'll
shoot your eye out” with “You'll run up the bill.” I'm 50/50
about this.
Not about the ad,
that was really really stupid.
On the one hand, if
you love a film so much you feel it should be celebrated in someway
from having a replica of the lamp or the BB gun to actually seeing
the house or visiting a museum dedicated to it, celebrate it as long
as it's a nice and healthy response to it. It connected with you,
resonated with you in someway, and still entertains you and your
loved ones to this day.
On the
other hand, mass commercialism for this gave the world A
Christmas Story 2: The
Quest for More Money.
Ok, I added that last part of the title, but you can't tell me you
weren't thinking the same thing when it was the only reason to exist.
Labeled by Warner Bro's DVD movie division, Warner Premier, as the
official sequel...
In the same way water is a sequel to oil.
...this was made to simply be a cash grab of a movie that has gotten
more and more mainstream thanks to networks TNT and TBS running the
original movie 24 hours (And that one year by USA Network) for over
20 years as of this writing. Thing is though, this mess wasn't based
on anything by the original story's author, Jean Shepherd's, story;
this was an original story in the same universe as the original movie
with the same characters.
Yes folks, it's just-under-90 minutes of fanfiction. Be afraid, be
very afraid.
And
yes, there IS an official sequel to A
Christmas Story done by
Shepherd called It Runs
In the Family aka My
Summer Story about the
family after the events of the first movie, namely about one summer
in the lives of Ralphie's family.
So, yeah, only reason this movie is an “Official” sequel is
because Warner Bros. said so. Again, be very afraid.
So, the movie opens in the old CGI'd mat panting of 1940's Indiana...
Boy, reading that just makes you wanna sing “Back Home Again, In
Indiana,” don't it?
...with the house on Clark Street...if the house was smaller than you
remembered seeing it. But, hey, if you wanna be reminded you could
be watching the first, and much better, movie, narrator adult Ralphie
(Nat Mauldin) will be happy to oblige as, right the *BLEEP* outta no
where, he brings up the parents feuding over the leg lamp.
Yeah,
get used to a movie so desperate to make you think it's the first
movie, it's gonna constantly REFERANCE the first movie. Standing on
it's own, any hack sequel like The
Empire Strikes Back or A
Nightmare on Elm St. 3 can
do that, this takes true talent!
It's
been six years since the first movie, so naturally we're treated to
an older version of Randy (Valin Shinyei) being into the same sci-fi
and fantasy stuff Ralphie was in the first movie, Speaking of which,
we see the now 15 year old Ralphie (Branden Lemasters) admiring his
hair, then his mom (Stacy Travis) putting up the tree while dealing
with Randy's swearing. And...so far, so average, I don't see
anything that can---
OH, HAI DANIEL STERN!
Yeah, Daniel Stern's now the Old Man and...boy, talk about a miss.
He's a good actor, but he only gets THAT the Old Man is a popular
character, not the WHY as most of his intro comes off as the bumbling
dad trying to do G rated swearing Vs. the swearing from Ralphie's POV
from the first movie. We then break down the rest of the family,
namely that things are still the same like the dad being into the
White Sox...then complaining about something they did... ha, ha,
ha...and the mom who...collects bacon grease?
Wait, what? And...why does it look like she wants to make love to
it?
So
the kids go off to school as we then focus on Ralphie being with his
friends, Flick (David W. Thompson) and Schwartz (David Michael Paul)
from the first movie as the three talk about how...nearly naked Rita
Hayworth gets in her latest movie...because this is what I think
about when I think about A
Christmas Story, three
morons talking about the 40's equivalent of what'd you see on
Skinamax. The three then stop to drool at a Buick Roadmaster because
two of 'em are huge car nuts and...the movie comes to a halt to show
the time the Old Man was teaching Ralphie how to drive, right down to
the time honored tradition of 40's road rage, complete with swearing.
Well, at least he's ready to take on the Dan Ryan.
Time to resume the plot...
Oh, God.
...as the three morons finally arrive in school, Ralphie sees the one
thing other than cars that gets a teenager all gooey: Girls, namely
Drucilla Gootrad (Tiera Skovbye), the object of his affections
through this entire movie that doesn't have 4 wheels and vrooms.
I think, I don't know their sex life after this movie.
But because he's not a jock, he has to settle for just looking at
her...in a way most people would find super creepy...and fantasizing
about her...being tied up by a Nazi...
Our lead has deep deep DEEP issues.
So, yeah, Ralphie has the same fantasies he had as a kid...
Because why should a movie stand on it's own two feet?
...as he rescues Gootrad from a Nazi (Alex Zahara) that had her
prisoner.
Well, enough of that, time to get back to the movie proper...
...really? We have to go back?
...where
Ralphie is back learning how to drive by the Old Man as they go out
to pick a used car. The good news is that his lessons are sticking,
as this time he doesn't ruin the clutch. Easy to remember when the
Old Man cracks you treat it like your mother...in...law with
a...punching...mot...
Isn't
this just what you think of when you hear the words A
Christmas Story? “You'll
shoot your eye out,” Santa at the department store, punching your
in-laws. It just FLOWS naturally, don't it?
Anyway, while The Old Man wheels and deals with the car lot's owner
(Gerald Plunkett) for a good price on a car, the wind picks up,
causing the storage room to open up and revealing a used Mercury
inside. Gee, that was nice of GOD, wasn't it? Feed the hungry, keep
the world spinning? Nah, give the 15 year old his dream car! Well,
this is enough to stop the movie...again...as Ralphie has another
fantasy, but it's a sane one this time as it's just him driving down
the street with Gootrad. When the movie resumes, we get a montage of
the Old Man saying things like “If you don't ask you don't dance”
because him being full of stuff like that is important for...reasons.
Well, enough about that, time to invoke the first movie again as
Ralphie does everything he can to get that car because he's crazy
about a Mercury...
Hey, you thought it too, don't lie!
...including planting fake ads in a magazine, having a convo about
getting another car...only for it to crash and burn when the furnace
crashes and burns. Because, hey, if you wanted cliches you came
here, you wanted an actual story with some thought, you saw the
original.
Back to school and band practice, where Ralphie uses his position
to...smell Gootrad's hair behind her in a way that is not subtle and
is in fact 100% would get him arrested creepy...
This flows so well with the image of the wife giving the Old Man a
blue bowling ball after putting it on his own balls, doesn't it?
...and...uh..wow...I don't think the Nostalgia Critic was joking at
this point...I think he really does need to change his pants...or he
really really REALLY loves playing music right after smelling a
woman's hair...
...I think I just listed a modern day fetish...
Anyway, after that, Ralphie takes Flick and Schawartz to see the
Mercury, only to find it's out and for sale, waiting for somebody to
by it. Because we've established at this point that he's a creepy
lil' idiot, Ralphie decides now would be a good time to go in and
play around with the car in the lot. Because THAT'S what you did
when you were 15, hopped in a car and went “Vroom.”
Actually, I don't know if you did that when you were 15, I don't know
your sex life.
So, he goes in, plays with the steering for a bit, notices it has all
he wants and more in a car, and realizes that his chances of getting
it are slim...and that's as far as we get for mature real world
Ralphie, as stupid moron Ralphie pops up when the car lot's owner
shows up to show off the Mercury to a customer. Now, sane and
rational people...provided they didn't play with the wheel like they
were kids...would get out of the car, explain to the owner they were
eyeing it but can't afford it, and move on.
Ralphie
jumps into the back, causing his pants to get caught on the emergency
break. Sure enough, it releases the break, causing him to take off
his pants to get free but not before the bumper lightly taps a lamp
post, which causes the plastic deer hanging on it to crash into the
convertible's roof while Ralphie screams “OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH
FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDDDDDDDDDDDDGGGGGGGGGGGEEEEEEEE!”
Because we wanna make you wish you were watching the first movie,
regardless of how we do it, as much as possible!
Turns out it's gonna cost him $85 for the top, and because back then
it was a lot of money, the trio decide to unite and do everything
they can to get the cash by Christmas Eve or Ralphie does not pass
go. The guys try to gather up as much as they can, only to get $19.
Randy over hears this and laughs, for the same reason Ralphie's
scared, namely that now's the time to tell his Old Man and he doesn't
want to because he's a cheapskate. He's so scared at doing this,
this causes...oh jeez...yet ANOTHER fantasy, this time as a dead
teenager walking down death row as the other two are a cop and a
priest respectively. The reality is they shoved him outside because
they figured being cheerful and happy would be the perfect time for
Ralphie to talk to his dad.
It works at first, the Old Man offering to put up a couple of bucks,
thinking it was for a gift for his mom...then Ralphie blabs and asks
for the rest leading to a rant where he says “Nope, you gotta earn
it on your own,” and it's here where we have the problem of having
Daniel Stern as the Old Man. The reason McGavin worked so well as
Ralphie's dad is because he came off as a natural dad. Yes, he'd
probably would tell him the same thing, but Stern's comes off less of
a dad teaching his son a lesson and more of a cheapskate going 'I'M
NOT LISTENING, LA, LA, LA, WON'T SPEND MONEY!' McGavin's Old Man
would swear, yell, and even call him a moron, but would address that
Ralphie needed to learn his actions have consequences the same way
you'd see any reasonable dad that heard their kid broke a window tell
his kid to pay for it.
This asshole? He comes off more as wanting to save a buck than
honestly tell his kid “You have to learn responsibility.”
With that bit over and done with, Ralphie sees a picture of Santa
from the local department store and realizes he, and the others, need
to get a job at the local Higbee's...which means the plot has to come
to ANOTHER screeching halt for a fantasy. This time, Ralphie being
employee of the year, being honored by FDR and getting Gootrad,
complete with a newspaper announcing their wedding.
We get back to the film proper...
As much as I don't want to.
...with the Old Man at it again with the furnace while mom tries to
hide some loose change that she found. This leads to them calling a
repair man...and the Old Man swearing up a storm every time he heard
the repair man bang the dang thing. After hearing the prices for a
new one, the Old Man tosses the guy out right before he and mom go to
get a turkey.
Say, remember how in the first movie it went out of the way to show
how much the Old Man loves turkey? How it was such a character trait
that they even carried it over into both the stage play AND the
recent Fox live show? That bit where he acted like a kid being told
not to touch the freshly made cake?
Well, you can chuck that out of the window, because the minute he
sees how much the turkey'll set him back, the part of the his
personality the movie wants you to remember most, that he's a cheap
ass bastard, kicks in and takes it back. When his wife can't talk
him out of it, he gets the bright idea to go ice fishing. Yeah...the
equipment, reserving a piece of the lake, the pole itself... vs. a
bird that's $.40 per pound... wait, $.40? Hell, I'll take it!
And that's the problem with this movie vs. the original I'm 31
minutes into the film and I already know the one of the movie's major
flaws outside of it existing: The characters aren't human.
Even after 20 years of 24 hour marathons, one of the main reasons
people can connect with the original film over and over again is
because the characters were human. The dad was a cheapskate, but you
can tell just from the performance and his actions he loves his
family. The whole film is a flashback told from the author's POV,
thus he made mention of what went through his and every kids' minds
back then, there's a reason “Flick Who” and that bit about not
getting caught are some of the film's most memorable moments.
I'm
watching not even 90 minutes of what people who watch Full
House think humans with
flaws act. Ralphie's a horny moron, the Old Man is a cheapskate that
comes off as preferring to save a buck over actually wanting to teach
his son a lesson, the mom loves bacon grease, and the little brother
is a smart ass. The only human element is the narrator...which is
easy for him to channel because Nat Mauldin WROTE THE DAMN THING!
Yeah, easy to know your character's motivation and reason for the
story to exist when you WROTE YOUR CHARACTER'S MOTIVATION AND REASON
FOR THE STORY TO EXIST!
While Ralphie and the others get ready, we go back to the Old Man
being a cheapskate, intruding on a remolding to ask where they can
get another furnace, with him getting angry whenever she brings up
the screw ups he did. Well, that was a pointless digression, lets go
back to the main part of the story...
...oh God, make it stop!
...as it turns out, because they have the IQ of sitcom characters,
gift wrapping isn't as simple as fold and tape it as the shoppers are
ready to start a riot, this causes one of them to be so stupid, they
actually wrap a baby basket with the baby still inside. Baby
suffocation, that's funny, right? Seeing that's not enough to get
fired, the store tries to put the three in separate locations, with
Schwartz handling spraying perfume samples, Ralphie setting up the
window display, and Flick in shoes.
If all three responses range from “Oh God” to “Make it stop,”
you can ether see the future or have seen the other 500
movies/sitcoms that have done this before. Case in point, Schwartz
can't tell one end of the bottle from the other and winds up macing
himself with some Ode De Toilet, Flick falls over with a tower of
shoe boxes landing on his back, and Ralphie gets caught in a
compromising position with a mannequin...that he's actually
dancing...with...
Ok, if that thing comes to life and I hear “Nothing's Gonna Stop Us
Now,” I'm gonna roshambo somebody.
This continues on, including a fat joke involving Flick putting on
the wrong size shoe on a woman...and on including Schwartz molesting
a woman when perfume splashes on her...and on with Ralphie and the
dummy...and on...and on...
Eventually, the guys wound up earning the store money for all the
antics...and yet NOT get fired. For crying out loud, did Ralphie
invent blackmail and hold it over the manager's head, that's the only
reason I can think of!
They go back the next day and the store gives them the EASIEST job
they can, the mail room. And yes...this is gonna hurt.
Back to the plot that I wish time forgot, as the Old Man gets ready
to go ice fishing...on Lake Budget (Seriously, you can even tell the
woods are fake)... with Randy, who complains about the cold. The Old
Man tells him the key to it is patience...and that's when a big
blizzard hits, causing the adult Ralphie to remark that this is why
his brother still lives in Florida. Ok, that got a chuckle out of
me.
Hey! I said something nice about the movie, and no side effects
other than these loud pops I just heard an---oh, the room is
spinning... *THUD*
After another bit with the furnace, complete with the Old Man
actually scoring a new one, we jump to the next day where the furnace
gets installed...and we learn from adult Ralphie he'd sue the
installers in six months...ha, ha...ha? This all leads up to Randy,
who complains about going back to the lake, cracking his tooth on a
semi-frozen candy bar, causing him to run away from his mom the
minute he hears he's going to the dentist because in the first movie,
he was such a little kid.
Speaking of “Because of the first movie,” the gang are doing a
good job until Flick wonders what it would be like to stick his
tongue in one of the vacuum tubes in the mail room, leading to the
expected sounds of your childhood, your love for the original bit,
and all hope dying inside. After getting him out, they're told they
need to fill in for the elves because, again, “Because of the first
movie” as a bad department store Santa (Garry Chalk...yes, Optimus
Primal, you may cry now) complains about his wife hiking her skirt up
to the kids.
This
isn't just fanfiction, this is bad copy and paste fanfiction,
something I unfortunately did when I was starting out as a writer so
I know how bad they can be. But I have the excuse of 'Was starting
out, didn't grasp fanfiction let alone writing,' just how long as
Mauldin been wr---“A DAY IN THE LIFE!?” One of my favorite
episodes of Night Court!?
The same guy who wrote
this movie wrote this!?
ERROR! ERROR! DOES NOT COMPUTE! DOES NOT COMPUTE! ERROR!
CRITICAL INFO REPLACED WITH DESIRE TO SEE WOODY WOODPECKER MOVIE!
ERROR!
Well,
time for another digression as Randy gets taken to a dentist (Tony
Alcantar) who has one of those old fashion drills and doesn't believe
in numbing the patient. Because that's what you wanna see with the
words A Christmas Story,
right? A kid going
through the same torture that comes after the words “Is it safe.”
Back to the main plot...
Can I surrender!? Can this stop if I surrender!? No? How about
defect!? Can it stop if I defect!?
...Ralphie's
had enough and calls out the bad Santa for...uh...being a bad Santa.
Declares that everybody can go home, causing everybody to get mad and
Flick and Schwartz to fight over their jobs, namely that Flick wants
to keep his job and Schwartz thinks Ralphie is in the right, causing
the whole thing to close anyway.
Back to the ice fishing plot that won't die, as mom gives the Old Man
some soup and offers to help him fish. She winds up catching a big
one, only to see the hole is too small, causing the line to break
while she pulls on it and he tries to get the fish out. This leads
to an argument between the two...and that “More of a cheep bastard”
problem with Stern rears it's ugly head, as it gets heated, blames
her, and refuses to admit to all the mistakes he's done just to “Save
money.”
You know what, let's bring up an example of something like this
happening in the original movie...and why the bit added in the Live
version wasn't needed.
In the original movie, the leg lamp broke, causing the Old Man to
yell that the mom did it on purpose and was always jealous of his
success before he went out glue hunting to no avail. And you know
what happened the next day? NOTHING! The plot moved forward,
husband and wife still loved each other. In the live version, the
two looked like they were on the edge of a divorce, and after the
dad's walk blew off steam, he calmed down at the same time she did
and they forgave each other. While that was a nice outcome, that
really wasn't needed.
Going back to the “They're human” thing I mentioned, you can tell
in the original movie that they're a loving family, that despite all
their arguments, moments where they get angry with each other, and
stuff that do at times drive a wedge, stuff that happens to most
families, at the end of the day they still love each other above all
of that. This movie on the other hand? The Old Man's a bitter
asshole. There's no ifs, ands, or buts about it, he's an asshole.
McGavin's Old Man always came off as tough and cheap, but fair, where
as Stern's comes off as “WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA, I DON'T WANNA SPEND,
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!”
After a digression, where Ralphie mentions that his mom is worried
about letting her sons go...
...huh? When was this ev---forget it.
...we see that one of the kids at the store, who asked for a tire, is
homeless thus causing Ralphie to think about what Christmas means
before heading home. After finding out that his dad is still out on
the ice, Ralphie heads there...to Lake Soundstage... where the two
NOW have a bonding moment. Yeah...after spending most of the movie
being a jerk, NOW they try to get Stern's version of the Old Man to
be an actual dad. Oh, whatever, movie. This causes Ralphie to think
about what he has to do and be determined again to get the cash to
fix the car.
Eventually, the Old Man comes home...looks pissed off at his wife...
Gotta love how this movie keeps the spirit of the characters we know
and love!
...causing her to break out the change jar for an idea. The next
day, Ralphie begs for one more chance and---OH THANK GOD, I HAVE ONLY
25 MINUTES OF...THIS...thing...25...min...oh God...I have 25 minutes
left...
Eventually, Ralphie asks for another chance and after saying he won't
back down, the store gives him one...by putting him in a reindeer
costume because the first movie had bunny pajamas. This is all to
attract customers, which at first seems stupid enough, but then he
gets into a bell fight with a member of the Salvation
Ar---er...“Random Charity That Looks Like What You Think It is”
for...reasons...I guess...anyway, then Gootrad is seen with her
boyfriend, causing Ralphie to try to hide behind the guy so he's not
seen in the deer costume. This causes the NOT Salvation Army guy to
push him into some stuff, causing Ralphie to bounce back and knock
over his bucket. While picking it up, a $5 bill blows away and a man
picked it up, which Ralphie calls him out on...to which he gets
punched in the gut before the guy puts the bill on his costume's
antlers.
Yeah, this screams what you see when you hear A Christmas Story,
doesn't it?
After seeing that his crush saw this, Ralphie goes back home to see
he's a dollar short and nobody can help him because his friends are
tapped o---wait a minute, Schwartz has his hand in his pocket...and
yes, this goes EXACTLY where you think it's going, because Schwartz
refuses to part with even $1, going as far as to make up a BS story
about it being passed down from family to family, on the grounds that
he's Jewish.
Movie...I didn't need the help to set the bar for this thing low.
After the fight to get it...which involves taking off his pants and
I'm pretty sure that on top of getting it would land him a jail
sentence anyway, Ralphie heads to the dealership, complete with
passing a display of the leg lamp in the window on the grounds this
thing can't stand...
...OW! OW! OWN BAD PUN HURT ME! OW!
...on it's own, only to encounter the homeless people from earlier
and realizing that, even though it means jail time, he's got enough
cash to treat 'em to the Chinese restaurant on the grounds of both
it's Christmas AND this thing can't stand on it's own. Having enough
to get something else to hide in the basement later that night...
Gee, I wonder what it can be, says the guy who saw an earlier
reference to the first movie.
...and then join his own family for dinner. Just when it looked like
the Old Man learned his lesson about being a stubborn asshole, in
comes the wife to save the day with a fish she bought at the store
and BSing that the dad caught it, something that adult Ralphie says
he brother never found out the truth about. Hope you have time to
say hi, whoops.
The car dealer calls Ralphie, wondering where the money is leading
him to head to the dealership to explain the whole thing with what he
has left. Because it's Christmas and we need contrived writing, the
dealer forgives and forgets and calls it paid and tells Ralphie to
never lose that can do spirit as it'll make him big one day!
Insert “The More You Know” logo here.
Jump to the next day and it's Christmas, where we see the Old Man
still loves his wife after getting a fishing kit, meaning he learned
his lesson...I guess, Randy gets a Buck Rogers toy, as well as a
sailor suit from Aunt Clara because the first movie had Ralphie wear
her bunny pajamas, and a montage of other gifts via an old fashioned
camera. But, because we're not done referencing the first movie,
Ralphie pulled what the Old Man did with the BB gun on the Old Man
himself, only this time with the leg lamp, causing the Old Man to
look like he wants to hump it right then and there.
...yeah, you could crack it as a joke easily in the first movie...I'm
not sure it would be one for this...
But one good bad reference deserves another as the Old Man tricks
Ralphie into a family photo by the tree, where he spots a key to the
Mercury he's been eyeballing this entire movie. Yep, turns out the
reason the dealer forgave Ralphie's debt is because the Old Man
bought it for him for Christmas, causing his brother remark that he
wants a real rocket. Ha, ha...ha... Ok, let's just speed through
this thing and wrap it up.
Ralphie nearly crashes the car again when it starts to roll away, but
Gootrad shows up to help him stop it rolling, the two talk about his
time as a reindeer and bond over it...
Yep, six minutes of talking, there's your character development for
the girl.
...as Ralphie gets the ok from the Old Man to drive her around the
block despite no license, enjoy your first citation Ralphie. The
movie ends with him getting one last smell of her hair...
You really couldn't just go out quietly, huh, movie?
...as the two drive off into the sun (movie) set and SWEET JESUS TAP
DANCING CHRIST, THIS IS FINALLY OVER!
This is just bad fanfiction, not the kind that shows both effort as a
writer and that said writer cares about the characters/universe, the
kind where the writer THINKS he knows how everything would be after
the source material ends, the kind where the writer only knows the
BASICS of why he/she and everybody else loves the world, not the
REASONS. This thing made me wanna punch my screen, wish all the
characters got nothing but a lump of coal (To be nice about it,
anyway), and punch myself in the nuts for picking this over the Brady
Bunch Christmas reunion movie. The only credit I can give is the
same as the Nostalgia Critics, in that Branden Lemasters actually
does show some effort, coming off that he understands why Ralphie, as
well as the original story as a whole, holds up and are memorable.
At least until they make him creepy and have him do things like smell
a girl's hair behind her back, anyway.
As I said earlier, one of the things that made A Christmas Story
work was that the people in it were real. You connected with
them on some level because they weren't just characters, but they
behaved, acted, and responded to situations like normal humans save
for where it was made to be a comedy like the over the top responses
to the leg lamp. This movie feels like the writer just saw what was
remembered/popular of the characters and wrote around that, thus gone
was the Old Man being a stern and cheap, yet reasonable, figure and
in it's place was Daniel Stern mumbling swears and being an asshole.
Top it all off, it misses the biggest thing that keeps people like
me, the previous generation and mine, and others coming back to watch
A Christmas Story at least once during the marathon these 20
years: The original movie captured Christmas, this p.o.s. did not.
Our parents and their behavior in the days leading up to it, getting
the tree, the overall atmosphere, being a kid around the Holidays,
the original movie captured it all and we make the connection because
we've been through at least one of the situations, be it double dog
dare our friends to do something stupid, or wanting that one gift
that has our mothers panicking.
Everybody in this thing is so stupid, over the top, or the situations
are stupid and over the top, we can't make that connection. I don't
feel like I'm watching Christmas, I'm watching what a sitcom thinks
it's Christmas, I'm watching what a writer who wants to understand
the Hoo-Man thinks is this “Kriss Mess.”
Then there's the stuff that keeps trying to invoke the first movie.
There's shout outs and call backs, then there's just being painfully
lazy. The tongue in the tube, the fudge line after the crash, the
sailor suit, etc. These are just lazy throw backs to the first movie
in the desperate, to the point where its on it's knees, attempt to
make you feel like you're watching the first movie. Oh, trust me,
within five minutes, you'll be aware you are not.
If you really wanna see what happened to Ralphie and his family after
the first movie, get your hands on It Runs in the Family aka
My Summer Story, THAT'S the official continuation. I saw a
few minutes of it once too long ago to remember if it was good or
bad, but I can promise you this: It's 100% official over this mess.
Stupid, idiotic, misses the point of the original movie, and bad
casting. This thing doesn't make me think of Christmas in the
Midwest, it makes me wish I shot my eye out so I didn't see it.
FINAL VERDICT: For something that tarnishes what people love of the
original movie, for having the gall to call itself an official sequel
AND an adaptation of the original's story despite it being an
original mess, a staff that understands the first movie is popular
but not the WHY, sitcom characters and plot, and a creepy, creepy,
CREEPY Ralphie, this movie gets a special BAH-HUMBUG B-MOVIE BOMB! I
was warn I'd shoot my sanity out, I didn't listen. Now if you'll
excuse me, I'm on Santa's slide and I just remembered what I wanted:
I want this movie to not exist!
“...you'll have to settle for Warner Premier's closer kid. Ho, ho,
ho.”
*KICK*
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Now THAT'S how you do a call back! Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays,
and Happy New Years, guys!
