*SIGH* Let's just rip off the band-aid on this thing...
Ok, as much as we prefer, and there should be, appropriate casting when talking about stories that take place in a specific place or a particular culture, sometimes, there's a case of “No choice,” “Not available,” or “None” of the specific people available. This holds true when the production is the case of connections, theater troops, or comedy groups.
In the case of connections, it could be a TV production done by a famous actor or actress and most of the people who work with him or her on the project aren't of that culture. Shelly Duval has had her hand in multiple children shows that used her, and in some cases the studios involved, connections to make the tv show. An apt example is when she made an ep of one of her TV shows based on Aladdin, which famously had James Earl Jones as the Genie of both the lamp and the ring...and an all white cast otherwise.
Again, possible connections involved, and we don't know who she knows outside of those she's worked with.
For comedy groups, it's just a simple case of “Group only.” Yeah, groups like Monty Python would hire other actors or actresses for a gag, like strippers doing the news or using actual women to do a joke about stoning people in the days of Jesus, but for the most part, half the reason you see the cast in drag is because it's just them doing the jokes.
The other half?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a8_-YPB1TFA
Yeah...and there's also times where the group was in *BLANK*-face, which they've apologized for, and there's no defense for that.
Then there's the theater troop, a group of same actors that do a set of plays for the theater they're members of and...yeah, most of the time, the group doesn't have a “Colorful” membership, to be nice about it. The good news with that is they mostly focus on the story with culture just applying to the location, not the characters.
The bad news is that it's still white people trying to say they're not. I'm just happy most of 'em don't pull a Fu Man Chu and don't stereotype.
Note I say most of 'em, because the Made for cable adaptation of the stage version of Aladdin from 1990 did.
Now, before we talk about the movie, we need to talk about the play...more specially, the Prince Street Players. A well known theater trope, they lend their expertise in adapting family and children's lit, most notably stuff like Jack and the Beanstalk, some fairy tails, and, of course, Aladdin. But not just any adaptation of the story, they actually go the extra mile and do the original story. Yeah, turns out the guy who translated 1001 Arabian Nights, Antoine Galland, didn't have 1001 nights to translate, so he added a few stories that he heard over the years.
The original story took place in China and, for the most part, everything was kept in. Aladdin was a street rat, met the princess, found a Genie, evil wizard takes Genie, hi-jinks ensue, Aladdin takes Genie back, gets girl, happily ever after. But because of both the move to Agrabah AND the various adaptations taking from the more well known version, things were changed and left out. There's too many to list, so I'll just keep what was in the original story in the review itself, as the play takes from the...uh...original story.
And before anybody says anything, yes, I'm well aware there's various adaptations of the story that are going to do what'll be highlighted here, especially on children's TV. An example of this factors into the “No choice” thing I said earlier, as one the more famous examples was from one of the many times Shelly Duval dipped into Children's TV and had a hand in the paid cable TV show, Faerie Tale Theatre, where Duval would use her connections, both personal and through the studio, to help make the episodes. One such was based on Aladdin and followed the more popular version where it's in Agrabah...and chances are, as far as we know, she didn't know anybody outside of her circle that could've been Middle Eastern for the roles, so we wound up with things like Valerie Bertinelle as the princess and James Earl Jones as both the Genie of the lamp and Genie of the Ring.
Three guesses what was the best part.
But those are circumstances that force a show to pull an all (Or mostly in the case of James Earl Jones as the genies) white cast. They don't mean anything hateful and spiteful, that's just who they can get and picked the best out of everybody. And while I can say the same thing for the 1990 movie adaptation of the Players' play, it's a different kind of problem when there's evidence of there being an open casting call where Disney filmed the dang thing.
Also, I'm watching the Rifftrax version on the grounds I need SOME shielding because...believe it or not...white people playing Chinese is the least of this thing's problems...though it's biggest...and it looks like they were given a heavily edited version as a song or two is missing, so if I skip a song, that's why.
And if you think I'm gonna go back to look, here's one of the songs skipped.
Still want me to look?
So, our movie opens on a tent in front of a painted se---I mean WE CLEARLY OPEN IN THE NATURAL LOOKING DESERT as we see, via credits, this movie was directed by Micky Dolenz, so no need for me to make a joke about it done by a monkey, it turns out it was.
This is a made for cable white people are Chinese movie, you really think I'm gonna put in any A+ stuff?
Heading outside is the evil wizard (Richard Kiley) known as...uh...an evil wizard...
Yeah, if you're trying for a name, you're trying too hard for this movie.
...as he sees the glowing 1990 special effect ball of the future shows him who he needs to get for his plans: Aladdin (Brent Sudduth)! Sure, the 1992 gave an air of mystery and reason that he had to be picked, but this one has glowing special effects space balls from space!
We then jump to the low budget se---I mean OBVIOUSLY ANCIENT CHINESE VILLAGE populated with the most ancient of Chinese people...WHITE MIDWESTERNERNS! Yeah...the credits said there was somebody in charge of casting, so this means there was an open casting call for some of these rolls...and they went with white people.
Huh...does California have a high Asian population? I don't know, I mean there must've been a reason they went with an all white cast. Like Shelly Duval not having that many connections outside of her fri---no...oh, experienced actors for children shows an...our main cast have either never done acting before...some haven't after...or rarely do kids shows...huh...
Anyway, we meet our hero as he sings about flying his brand new kite! Who wants to connect with somebody who had to steal to starve that had a song, and a sequence that also revealed his altruistic nature? WE GOT A KITE TO FLY, COMPLETE WITH HIM DEMANDING HIS FRIENDS HELP HIM DO IT! It's here we see Aladdin's mom (Jane A. Johnston) complaining about how much of a lazy bum her son is to her neighbor, Mrs. Chang (Lu Leonard), who replies he should get into being a tailor, like his dad, Mr. Sewnsew.
…
…
…
*HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK**HEADDESK*
Ooog...it really says something when the Dynasty Warriors franchise can teach you about Chinese culture better...and it's the game that has this...
Look, it'd be too long to explain, so I'll just say all those people that kept shouting “HIS NAME IS AANG” during The Last Airbender don't know how vowels are in other cultures, I hope that was the case here.
We done being in pain? Tough, moving on anyway.
It turns out Aladdin kinda sucks at kite flying as the thing lands on the other-side of the palace wall...and he's dumber than a bag of hammers as, it turns out, HE DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HE WAS IN THE PALACE! Oh, how was he supposed to know, just the...big red walls, giant statues, and the PRINCESS OF CHINA standing right in the middle of the set---I-I-MEAN PALACE! I MEAN PALACE!
And, yes...let's talk about the princess.
I will give this thing one credit: Nobody is Yellowface and thank God. I'm already in pain seeing white people play ancent Chinese citizens...and if I need to state why, you need to get out more...but out of all the characters in this thing, she comes the closest. The short dark hair, the way she tries to have an accent when nobody else does, and if you're wondering how I know she's trying with an accent, here's her real voice...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSGuB0lzVKk
Yeah. The princess herself is played by the woman who would go on to play Rose Quartz and, in Disney's Hercules, Megara, Susan Egan in her very first role. And if you're wondering how she does in her first role in a musical, given that she's a talented singer on top of a talented actress...this not withstanding...well...
Still want me to find those missing songs?
Yeah...this is why when it comes to some other problematic adaptations of Aladdin or even the all white cast of the Disney cartoon, we're mostly “Yeah, but still...” with it. In this day and age, it would've been cast with the right minority actors depending on where or what part of the story it's adapted, the more known Agrabah or the original China, but most of the time, they didn't even try with an accent for...well...the obvious.
For the most part, the actors until this point didn't either...then...well, you heard the song.
Speaking of the song, how the heck is it a lovely morning in China when the stagelights say it's 5 in the eve---I mean THE OBVIOUS OUTDOORS OF THE PLACE! THAT'S WHAT I MEAN! THE VERY OBIVIOUS OUTDOORS!
Seriously, the budget of this swings between “Dad can afford Sears” and “Our aunt wants to go to JCPenny.”
This brings out her dad, the emperor (I.M. Hobson), causing Aladdin to try to hide on the grounds of “Peasant on the se---”I mean... “Peasant in the palace,” which causes him to overhear her dad's plans. Namely, marry her off to the wealthiest man in the land! Of course, the guy being older than dirt doesn't matter, just as long as he's loaded.
...but if you're more loaded than China, doesn't that mean China's in debt?
Anyway, with the exposition dump out of the way, he sets off to make the announcement official, complete with the constant gong sound effect! What? With all these white people and obvious set, you gotta be reminded this is China, you've lost a ton of brain-cells already watching this. Of course, I'm reviewing this, so it's too late for me. Aladdin's heartbroken, until the princess confirms that if he can somehow get more loot than the richest guy in China...
Again, if you're more rich than the guy who runs the country...
...they can get married! Well, this is enough to cue the evil wizard who...promptly shows up and announces he's an evil wizard, complete with dancing! No...really, this evil wizard dances. Oh, and he doubles down on the evil wizard thing as he addresses us, the audience about it...WITH THE ENTIRE TOWN ACTING LIKE THEY'RE HEARING HIM! The point of a musical in scenes like this, music or not, is that the wall breaks to give us a mental glimpse of what the character's thinking, doing, or reaction to events. Unless they're part of the act, the world around them is not supposed to acknowledge the song, let alone the fourth wall break of it. So, naturally, after the song, he tricks Aladdin into believing he's his dad's long lost uncle...AND NOBODY TELLS HIM OTHERWISE DESPITE EVIDENCE OF HEARING THE MOTIVATIONS AND EVERYTHING!
I'm guessing him and his kite flying ways got to the town too much.
So, either because the village hates him or they're all brick stupid, the village does nothing as the evil wizard lies about being his father's brother as Aladdin buys it hook, line, and sinker. It's not everyday you can find somebody who'd honestly buy a bridge from ya, but here ya go. Aladdin's mom tries to tell him he's wrong...until she sees the bag of gold he gave the kid and she buys it hook, line, and sinker.
Insert bitcoin investor joke here.
Eventually, he convinces Aladdin to join him on a short journey...from China to North Africa...
What? It's just a hop, skip, and a jump away, like from Chicago to Nome.
...after a brief song to hypnotize Aladdin to go...a...lon...wait...he agreed to this...did you double down in case he was smart enough to---I can't finish that without feeling dirty. Anyway, they teleport to the cave and Aladdin opens the cave door and the evil wizard, like all the incarnations of the story, sends him down to get the lamp...only this go around, he has an evil iPad to watch everything on AND has given Aladdin a timer via a hour glass to get it.
And to drive home the semi-whimsical nature of this, somebody keeps using the horn setting on their Casio that's in almost EVERYONE of these 90's b-movies.
No, seriously, pop in a 90's B-Movie from the era of Blockbuster Video, I dare you to NOT find a Casio ANYTHING used for music.
He passes through the traps, including the charms of...magic...ok, so we are STILL in China, given the kanji...and finds the lamp. Of course, you know what happens, he takes the lamp and the evil wizard tries to take it from him, only for the cave to close with Aladdin and the lamp inside...only for Mei-Lin to actually SENSE THAT HE'S IN TROUBLE! Well, this should lead to---absolutely nothing as her hand maidens tell her she misunderstood the dream, making the whole thing absolutely pointless.
Kinda makes me ask if that sums up the play because, so far, it's summing up the movie.
Aladdin sees how dirty the lamp is and tries to polish off to sell it if he ever gets out, which leads to a whole bunch of...snorting...ok...as we're introduced to the genie (Barry Bostwick) via a song number that...well...I can't find on YouTube, but because he's in bright pink, speaks at times with a lisp, and is over the top...yeah, this is the closest thing...
Yeah, for some odd reason, some actors think “Mystical mysterious wizard/creature for kids/teaches lesson,” means “Speak with a lisp.” Dustin Hoffman did it with Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium...
We'll get to that mess someday.
...and Bostwick does it here...at least off and on, anyway, as it comes and goes. Yet...that snorting stays. Aladdin, naturally, wishes for both getting out of there and enough dough to get the princess...and wants to ask for one more thing: A gift to her dad. The result? A nightmare of horrible implications, Fatima The Dancing Doll (Donna McKechine). Think of Talking Tina from The Twilight Zone was adult size, made to turn the guy getting her on...and still be frakin' creepy for all the wrong reasons!
The next day, the Emperor presents his daughter to the guy he's gonna give her to...until Aladdin and his mom show up with the cash...and Fatima...sure, let's make one of the creepiest things on the planet be even more creepy...and he accepts as we jump to two nights later to the wedding! Yes, because nothing says “Best night of your life” like giving your future father-in-law a stripper/sex bot.
And yes, this party is complete...with white people in the dragon costume doing the traditional dancing that comes with the costume. I don't think I have to explain why you're picturing my head being buried in my hands while I groan in pain over why white people are in the traditional multi-man Chinese dragon costume doing the traditional dance, I'll just confirm it as I weep for humanity.
I'll give the movie SOMETHING...I kinda have to given what I just wrote...the Emperor and Mei-Lin know about the genie and are chill with that's how he got the riches. Again, this is based on the original Chinese story, so some differences are gonna happen like that. Also, this is a reminder that this is based on the Chinese story on the grounds that seeing all the white people, you might forget this is supposed to be China.
During the wedding, Aladdin wishes for a palace, leading to another musical number that says the genie never...made one!? Wait, centuries of years, centuries of masters, and not one said “I wish for a palace!?” What, were your masters the idiots that kept saying “I wish tomorrow, the girl I want would date me!?”
Bonus points for you philosophy majors that got that one.
After a Sega Saturn (To borrow from Rifftrax) version of a palace building game finishes, Aladdin and his new family show up to move in, causing the Genie to advise him to keep the lamp close to him as he's the best master he's ever had.
...I WAS KIDDING ABOUT THE MORONS!
Top it all off, the Emperor says if harm comes to Mei-Lin, he's gonna have to answer for it, causing Aladdin to say his mom will protect her whenever he's gone. Oh yeah, because nothing says bodyguard like the first people you think of at 5 A.M. at Old Country Buffet. So, he actually gets smart some days later and puts the lamp around his neck like a necklace and stays with the princess...until he decides to be stupid, gives the lamp to the princess, and leaves her alone with the elderly mother.
Because the first thought of protecting your wife, you always go to people who qualify for AARP.
Sure enough, the evil wizard shows up in the grandest of all disguises: A ONE EYED LAMP PEDDLER! Sure, just an eye patch and a cart might not be enough to fool your keen eye...but Aladdin's mom is brick stupid as she trades the genie's lamp for a new one on the grounds...that she doesn't believe there's a genie in the lamp!? What, do castles grow from the ground up in this part of China daily!? Did...did she just see her son was suddenly loaded and went 'Sure, you're rich, but did you remember to see your cousin on the way back from flying in the sky!?' WHAT IS THIS MOVIE!?
Naturally, the evil wizard wishes for the princess and...Aladdin's mom to the cave? And...his palace gone? Uh...the first one I get, but why the last two? The Sega Saturn castle couldn't be eating THAT much of this thing's budget...also, was he trying to get the mo---forget it, don't wanna know.
Naturally, the emperor drags Aladdin in to his castle to find out what the Hell happened, THEN put his head on the chopping block, when Aladdin...somehow brings up that he knows the evil wizard did it and where everybody went despite not being there...ok, if I was that good, not only would I have wished for stuff to prevent this, but I'd play the horses. Fatima then gives him the ring that houses another genie (Barry Bostwick...again...only more annoying...and oily...) and the genie takes him to the cave.
And if it sounds like I just wanna wrap this up, it's because I do.
Aladdin and the princess figure out the best way to get out of there is to drug the evil wizard, except apparently he saw The Princess Bride and thus doesn't fall for it...
Also doesn't help that she put the drugs in while he was looking, that was a factor.
...causing Aladdin to jump and attack while she swipes the lamp, summons the genie, and wishes for the evil wizard to stop attacking. And he does this with the wondrous magic of...THE EDDITING TEAM PAUSING THE TAPE!
The lamp genie sends the evil wizard to whatever part of Arabia he's from...I'm guessing New Jersey...and is asked to rebuild the palace as the ring genie is asked to fly them back, ending with...everybody singing to the audience that in order to achieve what you want, rub objects...?
The fact that thing thing still exists proves the opposite, and I gave my lamp enough shine to eat off of it.
I said before there's times where there's no choice when it comes to adapting/performing certain stories and not having the cast match the region of the story. It's done with people you know, close-net theater troupe that rarely let's new members in, or in some cases, the voices that match the personality in stuff like cartoons or audio dramas.
But here? There was an open casting call, especially since the credits say the casting director was from the C.S.A. They had no excuse, they could've casted Asian or Asian American actors in the roles just fine, but they didn't. Throw in that one of 'em actually tried the accent...
And if you saw her as Meg in Disney's Hercules or as Rose Quartz in Stephen Universe, you know what her real voice is like, especially since it's really distinctive.
...and a few other things, you'd get why this is here vs. the other stuff which focuses more on telling the story. Do I really need to explain why my jaw drop when I saw a bunch of white dudes do the traditional dragon you see in Chinatown festivals?
Even if you didn't factor the whitewashing in, this was still an awful adaptation. I give credit where credit is due, though, and love that they put it in China where it started, so it stands out in a positive way that way from all the other times the Aladdin story has been told in various forms, but beyond that it's a mess. The songs are really stupid (If one more person tells me “It's Lovely Weather In China,” I'll send 'em to LEO and make 'em find out that way), the characters are insulting (Seriously, how can Aladdin's mom be so flipping stupid?), and don't get me started on other things like why I think Fatima squeaks down there after a few weeks of use.
YEAH, IF THIS THING HAS TO MAKE ME THINK ABOUT IT, I'LL MAKE YOU THINK ABOUT IT!
Insulting on a racial level, insulting on a story level, insulting in EVERYTHING. There's a reason I watched the Rifftrax version with the guys as a buffer, despite the missing songs.
And, again, this is your reminder of what was kept in...
Still want me to look?
FINAL VERDICT: For whitewashing, characters dumber than a bag of hammers, and Barry Bostwick doing...ALL the things...this movie gets a MEGA DESTRUCTION B-MOVIE BOMB! It's on YouTube if you HAVE to see it, but I recommend you do what I did and spend the money for the Rifftrax version. Your sanity will thank you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a good musical cleanse. Something that not everybody was ashamed to be in, something that won't offend, and---
Just play it. You know I'm never carful what I wish for, just play it alre---
...you expect it to hurt, you're ready for it to hurt, but it's ABBA, it still hurts like the dickens.
