For as long as there's been fiction about it, there's always been a question of “When will AI become sentient...and how long until we're screwed because of it?”
Be it the rules of robotics in I-Robot, Skynet trying to change the timeline into their favor starting with the first Terminator movie, or even the playful and friendly nature of the AI tanks, Tachikomas, in Ghost In The Shell, various shows, novels, movies, and other media, have always tried their hands at answering when will AI be like us humans and what can be the cause.
Oh, and can it transcend genres from strict sci-fi into romantic comedies with a hint of sci-fi, like the 80's tried to answer with Making Mr. Right.
Yes, that was the classy way of asking if you can sleep with it.
One of the many many MANY projects that make people question if John Malkovich is in it for the money or just really really loves working, the movie is one of several attempts in the 80's to try to something different with a well known genre, adding sci-fi to the rom-com, and...bombed big time at the box office, making only over $1 Million on a budget of...
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THIS THING WAS $9 MILLION!? What, half for Miami, half for cocaine!?
Hey, it's the 80's, somebody was on something.
This was also something of a bounce back for it's director, Susan Seidelman, who's last movie was...
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Desperately Seeking Susan...
Oooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh booooooooooooooooooyyyyyyyyyyyy...
So, the movie opens with a hungover Frankie Stone (Ann Magnuson) seeing a recap of the activities of one Steve Marcus (Ben Masters), her client at her PR firm...and apparently her now ex-boyfriend as he had too much of a good time with the other ladies at a beauty pageant he was participating in.
Ethics, who needs 'em?
After throwing everything about the guy out, while said guy was trying to give her flowers, she drives down to work...while doing things like putting on make up and shaving her legs...
And you thought your best friend texting WandaVision spoilers while driving was an issue.
After arriving at her firm, and telling them to dump the now ex-boyfriend client...
Again, who needs ethics?
...her employees tell her she has an appointment to meet with the representative of a company that combines making chemicals with technology, known as Chemtec...
From the people that would've named your electric mouse Pokemon Elecrat.
...who want her to market this android, Ulysses, they're making for space travel to the average Joe Q. Public. This is completed with a demo reel staring Ulysses's creator, Jeff Petters (John Malkovich), the idea is that since congress said no to funding this thing, make the public love it so much, they'd change their minds and use those funds to take it to Mars as part of an experiment.
To be fair, it was a few years before Schwarzenegger would say “Get your ass to Mars,” so they had to find other ways of the idea being catchy.
So, the idea is this: If enough of the people demand the android, they have a good chance of getting funding for the Mars mission they wanna do with the android. The catch? Because it's women who control the TV and buy a huge chunk of the magazines, Stone has to market the android to the fairer sex and do it her way.
And we're moving on because at least half of you made the “What are his settings” joke already.
With 35 days set for the deadline, Chemtech agrees to letting her do things her way as we see her off to see the android! She gets told that parking is in Lot C, thus leading her to a part of the building's road that circles...and circles...and circles...until she's back to where she pulled in.
NINE MILLION DOLLARS, FOLKS! You better have laughed at that, you can just feel the money being spent!
She finds her way in and gets welcomed by one of the people from earlier, Dr. Ramdas (Harsh Nayyar), who escorts her to the robotics lab...and leaves her alone in it as he goes off to get Dr. Petters. Oh, it's just billions of dollars in 80's money worth of equipment! What can go wrong!? Well, after seeing two people cosplay as baked potatoes make day glow Sprite...
Feel that $9,000,000 budget, folks!
...what looks like Petters walks right in, but if you know Bad Comedy 101, it's a case of mistaken identity and it's really Ulysses (Also done by Malcovich, dressed like he just got done with prison rugby), as we find out after...he grabs her boobs wondering what boobs are and she pushes him over, wrecking the millions on millions, at least, dollar project.
Made to survive everything from the long trip to space and the harsh surface of Mars, just don't push.
The real guy pops up and, because this is $9,000,000 in 1987, we don't see the two Malcovich's at the exact same time, as we keep seeing the back of the other's head. Sure, 26 years ago, they were able to make you think they had 2 Haley Millses, but we need the money for day glow Sprite made by baked potato cosplayers. BAKED POTATO COSPLAYERS!
But don't worry, we do get to see them in the same shot...as Stone, Petters, and Ramdas watching making of videos of the android. Sure, it would've been more interesting if we saw this while both the creator and android were in person for Stone, but hey, we gotta spend $9,000,000 so you can laugh at Malkovich hitting a wall several times while trying out for the Ministry of Silly Walks.
You did laugh, right? This is $9,000,000 in 1987 money, after all.
After agreeing to help make the android more human, Stone heads home to find her friend, Trish (Glenne Headly), waiting for her with some bags. Turns out she left her husband, an actor, after he got busted having an affair, leading to her getting out the all important suitcase: The booze filled one! Yes, when life gets you down, be it leaving your actor husband because he's an asshole, or your politician boyfriend...
Which is the same thing when you think about it.
...there's nothing like a depressant to chase the blues away.
We then see Stone try to teach Ulysses how a human makes eye contact and listens...only to hear that her ex is waiting for her outside the area Chemtec gave her to teach Ulysses how to hoo-man.
Again, who needs ethics, am I right?
After doing what every parent of the 80's did and told the android to let the TV babysit...and just like a child, he decides to go through the purse instead...
NINE MILLION DOLLARS, EVERYBODY!
Turns out, Marcus was there with roses and the two start to argue. What? It's not like the company that hired her put her on the clock or anything! Well, after that bit, we got more important things for our $9,000,000 movie, like seeing Ulysses discover what a diaphragm is! $9,000,000 for a joke that'll be done better with condoms and an SNL movie in the 90's.
Oh, and because the gag is “Because he's just like a kid,” the only thing he barley knows how to do? Smoke Stone's cigarettes...backwards. Not sure how that barley computes for an android that had such limited programmed code he asked what boobs are, but ok.
Naturally, Petters walks in to see all of this, including Ulysses quoting Marcus's ad commercial, and reacts to the fact that the android is acting like a 5 year old by...saying he's turned into a hooker...ooooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaay...
Well, enough of that, let's see what Stone's doing while the company is paying her to teach the android how to hoo-man! Why, working things out with her ex, of course, namely that they can at least work together or he can hire her assistant...which she takes offense against...
Uh...why?
...which leads her into lying that she's already moved on to another dude...and Dr. Petters becomes the patsy, unknown to him!
Oh, those pesky “Ethics” and “Morality” thing would just get in the way!
We then jump to Frankie's sister, Ivy Stone (Susan Berman) and their mom, Estelle Stone (Polly Bergen) as Ivy is trying on dresses...leading to a two in one joke, as Estelle notices Ivy's unshaven arm pits. This is because of both her husband to be liking it and something about being a modern feminist.
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Ya know, I'm gonna look something up, because a movie I know somewhat well came out a year later, was a sci-fi romantic comedy, bombed when it came out, but moved on to become a cult classic where as I had to dig and find Making Mr. Right up on YouTube (Legally) with ads...
And it was...$10 Million! We got all that for a million more than this movie! But, I'm sure for $9 million, we can get just as much effort with this, like...jokes that their mom wants the daughters to marry for fame and money over love and actual human emotions.
They spent $9,000,000 for that awkward sil---I mean “that gut-busting moment,” you better act accordingly!
And I know, a budget doesn't mean good movie, or even “So bad, it's good movie,” good times were made for less. Ernest Goes to Camp came out a month later in the same year, was done for $3.5 million, and it's budget had to factor in not only a location that involved a lake and stunts that included a moment involving throwing weapons at somebody, but an explosion, turtles falling from the sky via parachutes, various moments involving fire, and dropping a sign on a guy.
And what have we gotten so far with our $9,000,000 love story? Driving in circles, baked potatoes making day glow sprite, Malkovich trying out for the Ministry of Silly Walks, and armpits that need a shave. Feel that money rolling in, folks!
It's revealed that both her sister and her mom asked Frankie's ex to give Ivy away on the grounds the dad is not there. Lots of questions involving this even if he wasn't Frankie's ex, but ok. Anyway, after Frankie hears Trish and her soon to be ex arguing upstairs...and the ex's agent giving her $20 to beat it, she goes back to Chemtec where we discover that Ulysses has yet to be taught how to social distance and sees that Frankie needs a massage, offering one because his creator taught him what to do in the event of his metallic joints cramping up.
Not sure how that works as massages involve muscles, tension, and circulation at times, but ok.
And he does so...using his...chin...
...uh...I don't think I wanna know what lessons the doc's been teaching...
She tells him foot grabbing is a no no and if you ever get the ok to do that, you have to get to know the person first and there's rules in being social that leads TO the feet grabbing. But sleeping with one client and lying about being in a relationship with another? That's ok! She kicks him out with a kiss before calling it a night as she decides to sleep in the building, given everything that's going on, leading to Ulysses trying to kiss the air because he's very curious about kissing.
Meanwhile, Petters arrives and has to deal with a date that, for him, had gone bad, Susie (Laurine Medcaff) as he tries to hide only to be spotted on the way and get annoyed. Top it all off, when he does ditch her and goes to work, Ulysses kisses him on the cheek and he freaks out about the lessons Frankie has been teaching him.
Buddy, you taught your creation how to massage feet with his chin, you are the last person to freak out about lessons. Eventually, it's decided to try not to teach him how to HOO-MAN so much because he's gonna be alone on Mars for 7 years, thus there'd be no point.
Keep that in mind, it'll hurt later.
So, after seeing Frankie concentrate on the marketing part of her assignment, she leaves and gives Ulysses a wave, thus having him see how to open the finger print scanning door, giving him an idea...an awful idea...Ulysses was given a terrible awful idea.
Not that it'd go anywhere, like a scientist would be dumb enough to make a look a like android have his fingerprints on it thus causing situations like this.
Ulysses then dresses up as Petters, fooling everybody until he got to the scanners, because of the thing I said in the last sentence. Sure enough, the door print works and he's out an about in the city. At first, things are fine, think of it as a more primitive version of Short Circuit 2 when Johnny-5 goes all over New York for some input...except Johnny's input at this point didn't have “Need woman.”
So, of course, the minute he goes outside and sees Frankie bent over her car to get some stuff, the android version of puberty kicks in. Boy, if he's like this after two lessons, imagine if we get the remake what'll happen when he finds out about the internet. Using the time for Frankie to talk to Ramdas to sneak into the backseat of her car, we then see him seeing all the buildings while the Turtles' “So Happy Together” starts playing.
Hey, part of that $9,000,000 went to the rights, we're gonna hear this somehow.
He reveals himself and then does the one man 500 dash to the mall they parked at, where he goes full “INPUT” mode and she freaks out over the possibility of her going to jail. Sleeping with clients and dragging another into her love life to trick an ex? Easy. Unknowingly taking something out which witnesses can say it was the android that did it without her knowledge? That's where you get in trouble!
After a bit where he's crawling on the floor to follow a kid---
...eep...
---'s toy...
*PHEW*
...he bumps into Steve, who naturally thinks it's Petters, all leading to Frankie running into both him and her assistant, Suzy (Polly Draper), who took the job as Steve's current campaign manager on the grounds that it's her big break, leading Frankie to remark both that “It's not that big” and wishing her “All the scusess we deserve.” Unethical, irresponsible, and a bit of a bitch, seeing as there's no evidence of even a kiss between the assistant and her ex...yeah, $9 million to make you root for this woman!
I know I keep driving this to the ground, but unless the budget included the blow like with Heaven's Gate, there is no way this is $9 million when an Ernest movie made for $3.5 million coming out the same year could include a lake, an explosion, falling snapping turtles, AND building a sign with the express purpose to drop it! And if you say “What about effects,” we had a shot of Malkovich's two characters sharing the same screen twice, totaling for LESS than a minute, and a plastic head that looks like him if you squint and share the cast's blow!
They have him hide in a tuxedo shop where the salesman (Robert Trebor) tries to get him to trying on outfits, leading to a bit where we find out that android is, indeed, “Fully functional.”
Wait, the mission to Mars is a solo mission, so why would the android need...uh...his own joystick? I have no clue why android made to explore would be given junk, maybe in the event that we have him feel out the aliens before we feel UP the aliens.
They get the tux, complete with Frankie trying to explain that she views Ulysses, due to both the way he's acting and learning, as a child...
Oh, that's in NO POSSIBLE WAY gonna make what happens next creepy.
...revealing that his creator gave him his own “Toy” to give him confidence! Most people collect model trains with giant engines, some make their own robot with “Upgrades.” Ulysses then gets distracted by a walking server robot that pops up in these movies, because it's 80's robots and we always need that comparison to remind you, an idiot according to the script, how different the lead is from a regular machine, which leads him to run right into Sandy.
And I'm gonna skip this part of them going on a date. You know it goes bad, I know it goes bad, I know the only relevant part is Frankie calls Trish and says Uylesses is her cousin coming for the wedding and to call her when he gets there, you know it's what I just wrote, so unlike this movie and it's $9,000,000, I won't waste any time here.
We go to Petters as he's on...a...simulator for...space...training...ok, it's not so much a simulator, but more what your community college's activities would call one after they put together left over parts from the storage room and hooked up a PlayStation on it and it reacts 30 seconds after what it was supposed to, complete with the deadline to have it done in a week.
$9,000,000 everybody!
You know what, I'm gonna look something else up, sticking with Ernest since his movie franchise started the same year this came out but with half the budget...let's see... 3 years later (1990)...Here we go, Ernest Goes to Jail! It's budget had to include at least a minute, total, of two Jim Varnies in one shot, special effects to show both Ernest getting electrocuted multiple times and flying once, an explosion, renting at least a couple of sections of a jail for outdoor shots, practical effects for when Ernest got hurt, including one pratfall from a ceiling and the other from after he exploded in the sky, and, of course, said practical effects including when he becomes a human magnet several times.
Total budget...$9,000,000!?
We get all that 3 years later for the same amount of money, complete with a small amount of time the movie had to have one actor in two parts on the same screen...even smaller than this movie...and what have we got for this movie for $9,000,000? Driving in circles, baked potatoes making soda, jokes about women shaving their pits, a joke about an android getting an “Upgrade,” a detached head that looks like John Malkovich if you squint and take half the blow I think this thing was really budged for...
Hey, it's 1987 Miami, it's a possibility.
...and a space simulator chair that looks like when the community college's activity group was told the week before to make a simulator for a video game.
The fact that two Ernest movies, one half of and the other the same budget, and a movie about aliens needing women with $1,000,000 more can not only justify their budget, but have the stories to both justify AND overcome issues with those budgets vs. what this movie has done with it's just has me wish I was watching those two Ernest movies and the aliens needing women one.
Sweet merciful crap, does this movie suck!
Anyway, Petters gets the call from Trish about the “Cousin,” which he tells Frankie and leaves her overjoyed at the news...until Trish revealed that she had sex with Ulysses, leaving him on the floor with his head backwards.
And no, I'm not making any jokes about his settings, you already did.
Frankie eventually gets him to her car, complete with him tied up so he doesn't go anywhere and she asks “What are you so happy about?”
Alright, given this was right after the reveal of him being able to “Fully function,” that was funny.
This leads to a conversation involving what love is and if she wants to find it...not sure asking somebody willing to sleep with clients is a good person to ask, but ok...leading to Ulysses to say if he were human, he'd be in love with Frankie.
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Why?
No, really, why? Most of this movie has been her trying to reign him in and we only saw a couple of “How to HOO-MAN” lessons. He's only known love through a bad day and a night so good, it literally screwed his head backwards. Maybe if we saw more lessons, there was more time outside once he got out, her dialogue at this point wasn't “I wanna take you home,” “Why is this happening,” “Help, I lost my android,” then maybe we could buy it. But the way it stands, all she does is yell at him, berate him, get annoyed by hi---
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Insert joke about marriage or being into that stuff here.
So, the next day, Ulysses has questions for his creator about sex, namely if you can be in love with another person while having sex with another person, what's love, blah, blah, blah. Of course, it's the same “Love doesn't exist, it's science” bullshit conversation you heard in EVERY movie where the creator of the robot doesn't know “How to be the HOO-MAN,” so let's skip it. Though, I'll admit, we're one step closer to justifying the $9,000,000 as we get TWENTY WHOLE SECONDS of seeing two John Malkoviches at once! TWENTY SECONDS!
Again, the Ernest movie 3 years later has two Jim Varnes on the screen just once for the same money and still feels more justified.
Oh, and we get 12 more seconds after the rant Petters has is over. 32 seconds from this one spot alone, can't you feel the $9,000,000 coming off the screen!
Again, the Ernest movie 3 years later with the same budget had to include renting a jail and effects had two Varnies on for less time, still justified.
We jump to Frankie, who has to deal with her mother finding out from Frankie's ex that she might bring who he thought (Thanks to Petters making Ulysses look exactly like him) was the doctor to the wedding, leading her to asking Petters to go. Yes, ask the person that knows less how to “Hoo-MAN” than the android who is just learning how to “Hoo-MAN.” Of course, Petters agrees (After she flirts with him to get him TO agree...again, what are ethics?), which leads to Sandy seeing it and her getting angry due to the mix up with Ulysses. He gets slapped for his troubles, as we then jump to seeing a fake soap opera known as “New Jersey.”
...it can't be. It's too clean.
FEED ME, SEYMORE, FEED ME!
We see that the reason for this is because Trish is watching her actor husband make out with the actress, both in character, that he dumped her for and...she...thinks the whole thing filmed for the soap is real?
...why do I get the feeling that's the least stupid thing I'm gonna type about this scene?
We then see that Frankie's apartment is flooded with various stuff because, as it turns out, Ulysses thinks she's mad at him, thus got...her...all of this...stuff...wait...he's back in the lab! How did he do this!? Did they give him access to the Home Shopping Network!? WHY would they give him access to the Home Shopping Network!? They wanted him to stay focused on the Mars mission, why would they let---
GAH, THIS MOVIE SUCKS!
We do get the answer to...oh, are you kidding me!? HE BUYS FROM A KNOCK OFF HOME SHOPPING NETWORK ON THE COMPUTER! And, no, we don't see him with cash OR a credit card! What, does the “KOM-PU-TAR DO ANYTHING” include money!?
Ugh, whatever, let's just keep going, there's only...34...minutes...left...
Petters pulls up and takes the girls to the wedding while we see that Ulysses hid his tux and shoes in one of the computer banks, ready to use them. Not sure why nobody noticed the parts stopped working, or smelled like a shoe being burned by a computer core since those things put out heat, but ok. We then see the wedding...and I've seen more happy faces at a funeral...complete with the wedding photography of the couple being romantic...with...her mom...in the shot...
Look, between this, the chin massage, and where I really think the money went, I already think half the people on here are on blow, I don't need the confirmation.
So the post wedding party gets underway, we find out the ex actually has standards as he can't believe his new ad manager would pull “Vote for me” stuff at a wedding, and Frankie asks Petters to dance.
Alright, who ever cracked a “Do the robot” joke, go to the corner! Especially you! You know why!
Of course, the ex uses this time to cut in during a dance with Frankie and Petters so he can try his hand again. Her response, surprising nobody who knows what the word “Ethics” means at this point, is to use her current client to lie about another relationship. I don't know when “No” was invented, but I'm pretty sure it was before the 80's, SO WHY NOT JUST SAY IT!?
...Just...Say...nah, won't catch on.
Eventually, Trish catches up to Petters and sees him using space paste as food topping, explaining that he made it for the Ulysses project...
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Wait, you gave him junk AND a stomach!? Hell, go the extra mile and make his systems so he has to stay hydrated in case there IS anything in the waters of Mars!
Anyway, they make small talk and...argh, for something that's just 25 more minutes I feel like it's 25 more hours, let's just move on!
Eventually, Ulysses arrives and the first thing he learns to do in a wedding is a conga line! Ok, either my brain is broke or that's funny, 'cause that's funny. Yeah...there's stuff with Petters and Trish, but if you know how the joke goes with awkward human and...uh... “Friendly” friend, you know how this goes so, like with the bad date, I won't waste the $9,000,000 this movie did here.
Though, it's not much of a skip, because right at this moment, Trish's ex shows up and wants to get her back. And since Petters and Ulysses share the same actor, you know where this is going and are probably gonna get a sandwich while I wish I was getting black out drunk. Eventually, we go back to Frankie and her ex as he tries for round 3...only for Ulysses to show up, have her mistake him as Jeff, and say his “I love yous.”
And, no, I don't know why he just doesn't say he's Ulysses. This is not the first time he's sneaked out of the lab, nor is there anything anybody can do, seeing as this is during the party and it'll be after the “I love yous” they can take him back...so...why does he want her to think he's him?
Also, where am I just now, I think I got lost?
Of course, right after saying that, she wants to get him back to the lab...and we're not clear yet if she knows that's really Ulysees...
Though, that might give the movie too much credit.
...as they kiss just before Trish's husband shows up and the android opens his big gob about how much Trish likes sex, leading to a fight with cameras everywhere watching.
Or what we call the internet on a Tuesday.
This leads to what would happen if Frankenstein were done under “Here's a $250 and my cousin's pool,” as Ulysses malfunctions thanks to all the sparks and electricity around him, complete with the Frankenstein walk, and crashes right into the hotel pool as Frankie yells “ULYSSES!”
Ok, she did, I'll give the movie the credit.
Because the press was there, due to...wait, why was the press there? Was the news really that slow in '87 Miami?
...anyway, because the press was there for...reasons...the mess gets covered and Frankie quits due to her involvement with the whole mess. Oh, NOW she has ethics! The end result, ironically enough, gives Chemtech what they wanted, as Miami can't get enough of that wacky android! I dunno, the fact that somebody is cashing in from a negative event in a scummy way says this is 2021 to me.
Eventually, Frankie and Trish have a bit of a fight when Trish tries to call her ex after it looks like his TV contract is up, leading her to try him again and Frankie to think about Ulysses...
...which leads to a CGI transition into a space simulation that probably factors into the $9,000,000...for 10 seconds...as Ulysses AND Petters are training for Mars. Or would be, if they weren't arguing about why it's impossible for the android to fall in lov---
YOU GAVE HIM FULLY FUNCTIONAL JUNK THAT REACTS APPROPRATLY! ACCORDING TO THE SCIENCE YOU KEEP ARGUING IS WHY THERE IS LOVE, YOU GAVE HIM LOVE! Yeesh.
Oh, whatever, let's just wrap the last 15 minutes of this $9,000,000 trash fire.
Frankie calls Steve and he uses his connections to get her into Ulysses's press conference before he gets his ass to Mars...
And if you thought that reference wasn't beneath me, welcome to your first time reading my stuff.
...but she encounters Petters along the way, as he tells her everything that's happened. Namely, it's her fault that the robot is too love struck to function right...even though he was the one that linked his robo junk to his brain, made it fully functional, and thus give him the 1's and 0's to process what the scientific version of love is.
Somebody call Journey, we got the answer!
Again, welcome to your first review.
Eventually, the conference goes off and Ulysses says he got rid of all that icky human mush stuff and is ready to be shot into space, bad movies from Deep 13 optional.
…
At least it's better than the fact that New Jersey was a fill in for Santa Barbra in this thing.
Also, get off my lawn.
Frankie gets spotted and thrown out before she could say good-bye, leading to lift off as Ulysses heads off to his 7 year mission to Mars as Petters shows up to comfort Frankie...only to reveal that since the press conference, the two swapped places with the android staying behind to be with the girl and the human going to Mars for the next 7 years because the human condition kinda sucks.
...I'm an optimist and even I have to think about that one...
Oh, and let the Turtles “Happy Together” play you off as you don't think about the implications of this, including leaving a man to be alone for at least 7 years with experimental food that he doesn't know would work save for the one time at the wedding, and leaving an experimental android made for the harshness of conditions of space here on Earth as his girlfriend can test his shock absorbers and settings.
Again, welcome to your first review as that's the best metaphor I can think of to equal me shouting NINE MILLION DOLLARS, EVERYBODY!
This, in no way, feels like a $9,000,000 movie, even when you factor in the scenes with two Malkoviches and the CGI. Considering an Ernest movie will come out a couple of years later with mostly practical effects and a scene with two Jim Varnies in it for even LESS than this thing having two Malkoviches, I can think of only one reason this thing got that much money.
Hey, 1987 Miami, it's possible.
Between seeing two baked potatoes make day glow sprite, driving in circles, and jokes about women needing to shave their pits, there's NOTHING on the screen that says it cost that much to make, especially when the other movies I mentioned either did less with more (Earth Girls Are Easy), or more with less (Ernest Goes To Camp), or did less with the same (Ernest Goes To Jail). Even if it did, that's still no excuse for jokes that fall flat or don't even hold up in the first place (Seriously, somebody under 30 without finding it on YouTube, do you know what Santa Barbra even was?), characters that you're supposed to like but can't (Does ANYBODY have ethics or a personality in between “Awkward” and “Get laid!?”), and stuff that...I don't even know where to begin (Seriously, WHY GIVE THE ROBOT JUNK!?). This was a waste of time, waste of life, and a waste of $9,000,000.
Again, the implications of the ending are a perfect metaphor for this thing.
FINAL VERDICT: For being unfunny, having unlikable characters, a waste of a budget (Unless there's a ring of truth in my drug jokes for the cast, then it explains a lot), but having a couple of moments that I did laugh at or showed characters being smart, this movie gets a SUPER ATOMIC B-MOVIE BOMB! It says something when the Not Quite Human movies have their bases covered better than this, and those were made for TV! Now, if you'll excuse me, I need a breather, I need SOMETHING with a much less wasteful budget and a tale that's actually timeless...like Aladdin! Yeah, Disney, uses its budget well, nothing bad can come from wanting to watch---
AWWWWWWWWWWWWW, *BLEEP* ME!
