B-Movie Bomb: Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again! (Spoilers)

 I had a joke about calling this movie's journey an uphill battle an understatement along the lines of fans of both the original play and the movie wanting a sequel...but...then again, who was asking for one? The Mamma Mia story kinda wrapped itself up pretty wel---neat---easil---aver---somewhat.

Yeah...I can't exactly say even “Average” when the wrap up includes things like using ABBA's song about their divorces, “When All Is Said And Done,” as a marriage song. Yes, because “I married the love of my life” should always be written with “Oh shit, did I sign a prenup” in mind. Not even kidding with that one, either, all four of 'em wrote and performed the song as anybody would going through the stages of a funeral...and that's the one song they decided HAD to be changed to be a love song about weddings in the movie! Suddenly, having Sophie's mom singing “Super-Trouper” 24 hours before the wedding makes sense, don't it?

Speaking of Donna, don't expect her adult self beyond a cameo. Why? Because if Universal's “care” for this thing means you saw Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again ten years after the original movie...

Way to strike that hot iron, guys!

...you can bet they cared even less about giving Streep her check.

Yes, despite the ABBA AND play's fanbases crying out for a sequel, Universal took a good decade to give you something that's supposed to be 5 years later...despite everything around saying “Longer,” and so many retcons to both the previous movie AND the past, that I have no choice but to make a drinking game out of it!

Ladies and gentlemen...THE RETROACTIVE RETCON REACH FOR ONE DRINKING GAME!

Here's how it goes: Anything that retcons the first movie, you take a shot. Anything that retcons the past FROM the first movie (The era where Donna met her exes), take two shots. You can follow along with the *DING* when it pops up, one shot per *DING*!

And I know what some of you are thinking: “How can there be a sequel to the movie when the movie already used up a huge chunk of the ABBA catalog? All that's left to do is their break up/divorce songs or re-do the previous ones!”

Well, you're in luck...Universal decided to do both. Is it irony when a sequel to a musical reuses the music? Oh, there's some of the stuff they DIDN'T use in the last one here...but...yeah, I don't hear too many ABBA fans calling out for those songs.

So, the movie opens with Sophie (Amanda Seyfried), five years after the original movie, sending out invites to her 3 dads about the grand re-opening of the late Donna's hotel.

*DING*

That didn't take long, take a shot! Yeah, that's right, grand RE-opening! Not only did she able to get it up and running between the last movie and her death, but apparently the hotel itself is tied into Donna's existence as her death made it a money pit yet again! Hey, if Blues Brothers 2000 can say that orphanage that's been at the center of a journey went under, why can't a sequel only the most die hard of musical fans ask for say the same about a hotel that they were hoping would be fixed by the end?

Anywho, to make sure we meet the new ABBA quota, this is all done to “Thank You For the Music” as we also learn that not only do we have a new manager, Fernando (Andy Garcia), but confirmation that Donna did pass away. Of what? Of “Universal will not give Streep the money.” This is to show that Sophie is doing this to honor her mom and it's a touching moment that we have right before we jump to New College, Oxford, in 1979.

*DING**DING*

What was that? No, you didn't hear songs about the summer of love or seen anybody that looked like they were fresh out of Woodstock or early start of the punk scene, you're crazy!

Also, take two shots because you heard songs about the summer of love and the flashback looks were that of people fresh out of Woodstock or the early start of the punk scene.

Yeah, somebody actually did the math on Sophie's age from the last movie, 20, and how long Donna's been on the island and...yeah, when you tried to in the original, your brain kept shouting “404” for some reason, so we're cementing that the flashback is so close to 1979, there's no possible way the math can be off! So, you just sit down and shut up about stuff like Bill and Sam looking like hippies ready to protest!

We see young Donna (Lily James) graduating as valid Victorian and delvers a speech...of one minute as we have to meet the ABBA quota, even in graduation! So...what do we have for an ABBA song about leaving school behind? Nothing really, so how about we see Donna take off her robe and move her gogo boots to “When I Kissed the Teacher.”

I mean, what are they gonna do, suspend her?

She's then joined by her two friends, the younger versions of Tanya (Jessica Keenan Wynn) and Rosie (Alexa Davies). Props to the casting department for this one, I buy these three as younger versions of Donna and the Dynamos and they do a good performance...about schtooping the teacher on the side. And, well, since the song says they're kissing the teacher, she does that with the vice-chancellor of the college (Celia Imrie), leading to...the chancellor liking it...

...I wanna make it clear, Donna's supposed to be graduating college, so she's of adult age. This is not a high school, she's not a teenager, this is her as a grown ass adult.

It's just the ETHICS that have been violated, not the law! The ethics! I hope you feel better.

But this does bring up the same problem the original movie had...strong arming itself with ABBA songs they don't wanna fix to fit the narrative.

Yeah...remember how in the last movie we had things like Donna singing “Money, Money, Money” despite it having nothing to do with her story, but they had to put it in because no other ABBA song can be used to sum up “I wish I was rich so I don't have to constantly fix this place?” Well, that's “When I Kissed A Teacher” in a go-go boot heel: There's no other song that can sum up anything about graduation in the ABBA catalog apparently; nothing that can be used to sum up the future, the unknown, or even the joy of getting the Hell out of there, but we got one with the student making out with the teacher because “School!”

I said it in the last review, I'll say it again here: While Across the Universe had the same problem being tied to the Beatles music, it overcame it because of a production staff that were willing to change a song's meaning or tone to fit the narrative and scene. NOBODY wants to do that with the ABBA songs, so we get something that I hope was just a song of rebellion that woke up something in the chancellor...or we just heard some horrible implications.

Turns out, Donna's sad that her mom didn't show up despite her invite---

*DING**DING*

Yes, Donna's mom is no longer the overbearing Catholic she hinted at the last movie, but just a negligent mother! No time to dwell on that now, we need to have Donna's departure to Paris, set to a musical version of “Chiquita,” transition back to the present with Sophie running down things she needs to do before the grand reopening! This includes positioning the sign of the hotel's new name, The Hotel Belladonna.

Yes, because when I think of “Romantic getaway” I think “Death In Paradise.”

Sophie then gets a call from Sky (Dominic Cooper) to let her know how his hotel management training in New York is going. It's going so well that the hotel he's training in wants him to stay and be it's manager, which he wants and wants her to come with, despite all the effort she's been putting into her mom's hotel. This displeases him, as he remarks that Donna's dead and---

...wait, how is it day in New York and day in Greece?

---anyway, says that her mom wouldn't want this...even though it's clearly what SOPHIE wants! Yeah, who cares about your wife's needs? The important thing is what YOU want out of life, screw all her hard work, right? Well, this leads to both to perform “One of Us Is Lonely,” as they both feel heartbroken over the stubbornness of the other.

Yes, because there's no ABBA song about the stress of work or the two separate goals of a couple still in love, we have a “I divorced your ass and I now regret it” song. Considering one of the lyrics has Sophie singing “I felt you kept me away,” I don't think I need to sum up, despite a good performance, why this feels like yet another ABBA square peg in the movie's round hole.

We jump to the present versions of Rosie (Julie Walters) and Tanya (Christine Baranski) going to the island and learn, from Sophie, that two of the dads can't make it as one, Harry, has a big deal in his business, and the other, Bill, is getting an award for one of his books. We also learn that Sophie's grandma hasn't been seen outside of her performances in Vegas for a long time.

*DING**DING*

Not sure how many Catholic reviews is in the land of sin, but there ya go, two shots.

Back to 1979, as Donna makes her way through Paris to a hotel as, thanks to mistaken identity, we first meet Harry (Hugh Skinner)...

*DING**DING*

I'm gonna one two, skip a few, as you take your two shots: You know how the plot of the original movie was because Donna met her exes so close to each other at various times, she had no clue who Sophie's real dad was? Well...we can't exactly do that in this thing without some...implications...

Yet, they had no problems saying 3 guys went after one woman at a time so close after each previous one.

...so, Donna's encounters are gonna be spread out, starting with Harry in Paris. Oh, and you know the “Headbanger Harry” stuff? Yeah, he's a banker in a leather jacket so...fight...the...man? Here, in a Napoleon themed restaurant, Donna reveals that she's heading to the island because first mov---I mean “Destiny,” causing Harry to purpose to get right to the sex, with Donna hinting that romances don't go well for the family because somebody in Central America broke her mom's heart, making her the woman she is by 1979.

*DING**DING*

I think the quote is “Get Thee to A Nunnery” not “Get Thee To The Stardust.”

Also, hold up two fingers. You see four, you're fine.

Also, huh? Does the Hotel Belladonna have the only Hispanic manager on the whole island? I forget.

This leads Harry to break out into “Waterloo,” in a reverse of what we had from the last movie! Ya know, the movie forcing itself to put in “Waterloo” because we were over the ocean? Well, “Waterloo” is forcing itself to be put into the movie because of the restaurant. Yes, anybody with an IQ above a jar of mayo gets the metaphor, but as I said before, we can't mess with the ABBA songs, so here's a love song metaphor in a literal Napoleon restaurant. Yes, we Planet Hollywood something a few decades early to keep true to something that was a metaphor in the first place.

After the one night stand, back to the present as we see Sam (Peirce Brosnon) made a shack on the island and both are there for each other because they miss Donna. I got nothing to say, this is too touching and well done for me to snark on it without being a jerk...well, an ACTUAL jerk, anyway, so I'm gonna move on, complete with “SOS” being used in a really somber way.

But the next scene I can give plenty of snark, as a security guard wastes young Donna's time with advice to keep her hair short, causing her to miss her boat...but have plenty of time to board young Bill's (Josh Dylan) to do so. It's a musical, the plot fairy works overtime in these things. And yes, we need to use ANOTHER ABBA song, so here's “Why did it have to be me,” a song about trying to break off a one night stand, only the other party doesn't want it to end. And if you think it'd be better suited for Harry after what happened, he gets A lyric or two, so there's some fairness.

After rescuing a guy who's trying to break up a wedding, in fact having a HAND in breaking up the wedding...

Complete with an instrumental of “Take a Chance on Me.”

...we jump back to the present, as Sophie and Fernando talk about Fernando's missing love. Say...didn't the retcon say Donna's mom loved and loss in Central America? Where's Fernando from again?

But this was just to establish a conflict that'll run with the past, as both Fernando in the here and now and Bill in the then and...uh...then sense a storm is coming to the island. The next few minutes jump back and forth from when Donna first landed on the island to Sophie putting the finishing touches, showing the start of one journey and the conclusion of another, as it's young Donna's turn to sing “I Have a Dream.” And...yeah...this is done well, with Donna's actress doing a great performance and the scenes running perfectly along each other.

But...yeah, if you're wondering why this is an encore from the last movie, remember, a huge chunk of the ABBA song list is post divorce.

Can't exactly do a love song when it includes things like “Anger,” “Bitter,” and “Resentment.”

As Sophie deals with the storm in her time, young Donna runs into young Sam (Jeremy Irvine) to help her with a trapped horse on the island as Sophie gets help from present day Sam to try to salvage what she can for the grand re-opening. Donna does a good job with the horse...Sophie...not so much with the opening. After the storm ends on Donna's...uh...end, she and Sam talk about the future and enjoy a good bike ride around the island.

Oh yeah, and because it's 1979 and nobody looks like they're from the 60's, ala adult Donna's flashbacks...

*DING*

Yeah, one ding because the flashback was in the first movie. Also, to give your liver mercy.

It's during this Donna reveals that her mom is a constantly touring singer.

*DING**DING*

HERE'S your double shot, so much for that mercy.

Donna then runs into both the owner of the hotel and the owner of the bar, a mother and son duo, and auditions for them in the hopes that she can stay on the island AND give her band a place to perform. She performs in front of both them, and Sam, “Andante, Andante,” one of the few times where one of the songs actually fits without any force.

Except...didn't the last movie say their song was “Super Trooper?”

*DING*

Must've imagined it. Eh, drink one for me since I didn't.

So, Donna pours her heart out to Sam, because we need to justify why they were the ones to get married in the last movie, as we then jump back to the modern day as Sophie and present Sam go over what the storm did to the party...namely end it, as the storm flooded half the hotel, wrecked the welcome area, and canceled all the flights from all the people she invited. All and all, the storm was good for her mom...not so much for her. This leads to Sam, to make Sophie feel better about herself, saying she can never let her mom down...on the grounds that he done did the stupid thing.

After Donna wakes up one day, singing “The Name Of The Game” to show that she's in love with Sam...only for Donna to find a picture of Sam with a red head...who he's engaged to, he just...ya know...never got around to telling her about it. What? She might take it bad for some reason. This leads to “Knowing Me, Knowing You” as they break up and he leaves the island. It's kinda easy to tell that this is a pre-divorces song they wrote on the grounds that it's more sad and heartbreaking than it is anger and bitter and it actually fits. Boy, I'm starting to wonder if it's my hatred for disco causing me to hate this thing.

We jump to modern Tokyo, Japan, as Harry (Collin Firth) is falling asleep at his 14 hour long business meeting and he decides to leave the meeting to be with Sophie, who he still considers his daughter thanks to the last movie, and leaves it up to the business men to sign the contract without him. Not sure you can legally do that, but hey, he's got a daughter to see! Screw the people in his employ!

Nope, my not liking this thing is rational after all.

We then jump over to Sweden and see Bill (Stellen Skarsgard)...or his twin brother (Skarsgard in a fat suit...because the Hollywood system refuses to let the 90s die even 20 years later) accept the award as Bill himself heads to the island, too!

*DING**DING*

Didn't know Bill had a twin brother? Shame on you for not paying attention! Also, take two shots since Bill now has a twin brother.

Back to 1979...longest year in the history of cinema at this point...as the Dynamos reunite to perform at the bar...when Donna's heart broke into two. So...perfect time for one of those divorce songs from ABBA, right? Keep that perfect fit streak going, even toss in an early break-up song?

Nope, we go to “Mamma Mia!” Yes, the perfect post-still-fresh-in-her-heart break up song...you know, the song that says seeing the ex again brought up old feelings and that the break up was a mistake! You had plenty of songs, both pre and post, divorce to pick, and you pick the one that isn't neither one of those, but VERY ill fitting. Why? Because it's an ABBA song, it's the title of the movie (Again), and Bill's back! Causing Rosie to resent that Donna has a thing with him as Rosie wants to have Bill's babies and be with him forever.

*DING**DING*

Oh, they knew each other the entire time in the first movie, they were just PRETENDING to not know each other! That's it, pretending...you say to yourself after two more shots.

Back to the present, as Sophie talks about not being able to talk to Sky about what happened, leading Rosie to sing about her break up with Bill, via...

…

…

…

Ang...Ang...”Angeleys...” “ANGELEYES!?” Buh...guh...you...tha...se...GAH! “Angeleyes” would've fit the last musical number better than “Mamma Mia” did! The song is about the girl finding the other girl of the player and what she would say if given the chance! How much would it have worked if it was Donna and the Dynamos singing about what she would've said to Sam's fiance!? This is a love story musical with ABBA lyrics! You're trying to stay so true to the songs, you forced the movie to have a better scene to fit one, WHY DIDN'T YOU USE “ANGELEYES” IN THE LAST NUMBER!?

It would've not just fit with how Donna was feeling, but with how Donna viewed Sam at that point! It would've been PERFECT to set up the resentment from the first movie she carried the most with him! I'm not an ABBA fan, yet as a writer, I know song placement better than the people who made this thing!

Meanwhile, Bill finds out there's no boats going out to the island...and the guard from the past is still the guard, only this time he talks about ages over hair...as he and Harry hug on the docs, happy to see each other. And...yeah, I still like that three guys who were with the girl in the past not only moved on enough, but are friends through their positive experiences with her. Most romcoms need to do this...then again, it'd mean the leads are human so...

Well, enough about that, back to the longest 1979 on record...seriously, how much time has passed...as Donna and Bill are swimming by his boat. *SIGH* Just like last time, music by ABBA, editing of a howler monkey. As she's doing that, Donna's friends bump into Sam...

*DING**DING*

Again, you only THINK they never knew each other! Just let the booze remind you that they actually did not and this movie thinks you're an idiot after 10 years.

...only for Bill's aunt Sophie to tell him “She found somebody better, bugger off, and never come back” on the grounds of both being Bill's aunt and liking Donna. Considering she willed enough money for her to buy the hotel after they break up at one point, that should go without saying.

Or does Bill's aunt Sophie have a list that says “Ex A gets this, Ex B gets that” and so on?

After the one night stand with Bill, we jump back to the present as Harry has him self tied up because thinking of solutions to one thing, escaping in this case, channels him to think of another solution. Guess he should've asked the board room in Tokyo to tied him up then. He and Bill then run into the modern version of the guy who Bill and Donna helped break up a wedding, finding out that he, and the other fishermen, are going through a down turn due to lack of fish.

Again, musical, plot fairy works overtime.

Naturally, Bill suggests they take their boats and all go to the island to have a party! Yes, nothing like a “Mother Nature wrecked my hotel, I need money” free party.

After seeing Sophie almost give up her efforts, it's time to do an encore of the last movie's party song, as the fishermen, Bill, and Harry arrive to “Dancing Queen!” Yes, the greatest songs of emotional triumph is all of cinema! “The Superman March,”

“The Flying Circus” from The Rocketeer,”

“The Indiana Jones” theme,

and now... “Dancing Queen.”

Yes, now whenever you shake what your mama gave ya, or your aunt's drunk book club sings along, it can be done in triumph!

Of all the bizarre places to put it...I mean...really? For once in my life, I got nothin'.

The song ends with Sky appearing, deciding New York wasn't his thing and...get this, it's up to her what she wants and he'll be supportive in every way! Revolutionary, I know! And we get a touching moment between Sophie and her da---or not as she has to run off somewhere as we flashback to when Donna decided to stay in exchange of making aunt Sophie's barn beautiful. Roof above your pregnant head, just gotta DIY it?

...actually, I don't know if that's worse or cheaper than most current landlords...

As it turns out, just as Donna makes her choice to stay, Sophie ran off to the bathroom too and both chunking means they're gonna have a baby!

Aw, but enough about Donna about to have Sophie...does this mean we can move the past to 1980 finally?

Anyway, we're back to the present where Sophie tells Sky she's expecting...and...doesn't want to tell anybody? Why? Oop, never mind, as we suddenly hear a helicopter heading to the island with...a car waiting for the occupant? How? Sophie didn't know what was coming, so...how did whoever's there call ahead?

Back to the party and Bill and Rosie talk everything out, with Bill asking for one more chance. Rosie, rightfully so, reads him the riot act over his playboy behavior, saying the only thing that can cause him to change is a really traumatic event that made him think...and sure enough, he breaks down crying thinking about Donna. Death, another word for “Comedy.”

So, that question I asked earlier about how a ride was arranged? Well, it turns out that Sky did everything, and the woman in the helicopter was none other than Sophie's grandma and Donna's mother, a music artist named Ruby...played by Cher.

*DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING**DING*

...Cher broke my drinking game machine...

Yeah...this movie is REALLY hoping that you're an idiot that forgot the last 10 years and that Donna kept mentioning that her mom was a devout Catholic that called her a slut and threw her out on the street when she heard Donna was having Sophie. That's kinda a long way from “Artist with monthly show in Vegas.”

Not saying she can't be both...but the movie kinda is.

Also...IT'S CHER! Devout daughter throwing out catholic or negligent celeberi---IT'S FREAKIN' CHER! Nobody's gonna see Ruby, everybody who knows Cher's own personal history, the minute they see this in the theaters, saw her in the trailer, or even in the commercials, had their brains cry out “ERROR! ERROR! 404 ERROR!” in response because...IT'S CHER! Nobody's gonna buy that her, of all people would do ANY of that in either version of continuity!

Suspension of disbelief only goes so far with acting with the actor! This is like asking Mr. Rogers to play Hitler, or Uwe Boll to act as a director, you can only go so far!

After a talk with the very shallow Rub---

IT”S CHER!

---y, Sophie goes on stage with her mom's former band as it was a dream of her's, and she sings “I've Been Waiting For You” to a montage of Donna giving birth to Sophie.

...so, this mean the 70's are finally over? This was the longest 1979 I've seen.

And...yeah...I'm getting tears in my eyes over it, it's a good montage and performance...excuse me, I need some more man stuff for a minute...

Much better.

After the song, Sophie and Ruby actually heal their relationship and we find out that, yes indeed, Fernando was the lost love of Ruby as she breaks into “Fernando.” Complete with hints that he's Donna's dad.

…

…

…

'Scuse me for a moment.

*WHACK*

*DING**DING*

Oh, I'm sure Streep's Latino heritage is somewhere in there.

Also, again, plot fairy workin' overtime.

We jump 9 months later and Sophie has given birth, Fernando and Ruby are together, as are Rosie and Bill, we find out that Fernando's brother is the Most Interesting Man in the world, and we get adult Donna's spirit (Meryl Streep) popping in at her granddaughter's christening as Sophie sings “My Love, My Life.”

I'm gonna need something manly again, I'm about to cry due to how well it's done and sung!

Yeah...congrats movie, TWO ABBA covers and performances moved my heart...so...how do you screw that up? By turning the light Donna uses to go to Heaven into a spot light and have the cast break-out in “Super-Trouper!”

Which, I've stressed before, IS NOT A LOVE SONG!

Yep, the casts from both eras sing out with a song about that guy who called and said he totally will not not be in the brightest spot of the dark row behind the tall guy who might duck. What a thing to close a love story, let alone a jukebox romance musical franchise, on. At least the cast is having fun doing it, so...somebody's happy.

Much like the last movie, there are some positives. The cast had great chemistry, the casting department went above and beyond in casting the younger versions of the present day counterparts, and, yeah, two performances moved me to tears, which is kinda easy to do thanks to a combination of editing, acting, and performing. And, like last time, while I'm not an ABBA fan, some of these covers are good and catchy and, I'll admit it, will be stuck in my head.

That said...it's still got it's arm tied being an ABBA musical, guys.

Stuff like Rock of Ages, the play version anyway, can tell it's story much better because it has a wide choice of songs to choose from that can actually fit. And while Across the Universe still has the same problems both Mamma Mia movies do, The Beatles have a more diverse hit collection and that movie had people who were willing to change the genre and meaning of several songs to fit the narrative, where this didn't. It's such a slave to wanting to stick to the ABBA script that it even forces itself to have a Napoleon themed restaurant and wouldn't let the metaphor speak for itself.

Then there's the retcons...holy crap...the retcons.

This movie REALLY hopes you're forgetful, an idiot, or both as a lot, and I mean A LOT, of the first movie's backstory were altered or removed all together. At least we had a year vs. trying to guess when everything is from the first movie when we get to the flashbacks, but everything else? Well, take your pick, from how Donna met her men (Not all on the island, far enough apart from each other to have a better guess on who the dad is, etc), to WHEN she met her men (Flashbacks set in 1979, first movie implied, with several songs, it was the Summer of Love, 1969), and her mother herself, just to name a few.

Being a comic book fan and a fan of the Halloween franchise, I'm well aware that retcons don't always have to be bad, they can help...but you have an easier time adjusting Superman's escape from a dying Krypton to the 21st century than you would history of a movie. There's a reason there's FOUR Halloween timelines...and that's if you don't count the comics! When you retcon a movie, you have to make damn sure the past viewers get the change or, at the very least, the change isn't depending on faulty memory/viewers being morons, and...yeah, this movie hopes you're stupid, forgetful, or preferably both when it comes to the first one.

The story is slightly better, I found myself surprisingly more interested in Donna's past and Sophie's present than I thought I would be, considering how the first one wrapped up, but it doesn't justify moments that the movie PRAYS you're too stupid to remember the backstories from the first one or that you forgot the info on Donna that Donna herself said. Bottom line, out of the two movies, if you're more into jukebox musicals than ABBA, the first one only. If you're a die hard fan of either the group or the original play, both movies would suit you.

Me? I'm gonna watch The Blues Brothers. The manly man equivalent, Rock of Ages, to this is too stupid and awful to counter ABBA.

And yes, this means someday, it'll be on this site. But for now, I did 3 bad musicals in a row, I need a break from the jukebox.

FINA VERDICT: For retcons that hope you're too stupid to remember the original, misplaced songs, moments where you know the movie is handcuffed to the music, but elevated by good chemistry, brilliant casting (Especially for the past), and a few spots that actually moved me to tears, this movie gets a MST3K B-MOVIE BOMB! The writing maybe tighter, but it's also dependent on you being dumber. Now, if you'll excuse me, my drinking game machine is starting to sing “Daisy” very slowly, so I gotta get to work. *WHACK**WHACK**WHACK**WHACK**WHACK**WHACK**WHACK**WHACK**WHACK*

B-Movie Bomb: Mamma Mia! (Spoilers)

 I wanna make one thing clear going into this so you'd know what to expect...I hate disco.

Naturally, this means I hate ABBA.

Not as individuals, I don't know who they are outside of morons that thought being married to each other could survive ego, production clashes, and the 70's, but as a group, not a fan. But even then I will admit they're a very influential group as their music not only had a hand of influencing the disco era, but even managed to survive a few years after it's death.

Their marriages to each other, not so much...and if you can tell what the follow up to Mamma Mia! will be, you can already guess why I'm opening with a joke about the 4 being 2 couples.

Yes, because I lost the original review, and I actually need a pallet cleanser after the 1990 Aladdin...

Oh yeah, ABBA is the cleanser, it was that bad.

...I figured something as inoffensive as your mom's/aunt's karaoke and booze night would fit the bill.

Based on the stage play by two of the members, Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus, the play takes their music and applies it to romances involving the past, present, and future...and that's a problem because it falls under “Just because you own the catalog doesn't mean you should use ALL of it.”

So, the movie opens with Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) at a mailbox, singing “I have a dream” because she's mailing 3 letters to 3 men because, as we'll find out later, one of them might be her dad. This is actually a good use of the song with the moment, as it actually lets us know that she, more than anything, would love to know who her dad is and meeting him is very important to her. It's very touching and a good way to kick off the main plot.

Then they screw it up.

How? Well, all 3 men, Sam Carmichael (Pierce Brosnan), Harry Bright (Collin Firth), and Bill Anderson (Stellan Skarsgard), are introduced via the instrumental version of... “Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie! (A Man After Midnight)...”

Yes, because you want your romantic comedy that has a “Who's my dad” plot to introduce the 3 main dudes with a song about how the perfect man doesn't exist.

Yeah...funny story...if you're gonna stick to one band's song list for that musical, it gets kinda awkward when you go from the “We're all in love and married” half to the “Oh God, what's his/her lawyer gonna try to get from me” half...and not the last time this is gonna happen...or even with the “In love” half...

After a montage of our three duds getting ready to go, we jump to an island that houses a dilapidated hotel that doubles as Sophie's home, where we meet her two friends...and don't ask me who's who or who's playing who, there's very little to no personality with those characters to make me even care. She tells them about her plan and how she found out about her dads, namely her mom's journal hidden in the attic, and she then reads to them that all 3 men rocked her mom's world...while she...sings... “Honey, honey...” About...her...dads...I feel dirty...

Yeah, I don't care if you're reading from your mom's own writing, NOBODY SHOULD SING “HONEY, HONEY” ABOUT THEIR OWN FAMILY!

Speaking of family, we're then introduced to Donna (Meryl Streep), the owner of the hotel who, due to having almost no money, is DIYing the repairs to the hotel herself. Yeah, why would Donna have money for this hotel in the middle of a secluded island in the middle of the ocean just outside of Greece? Peace, tranquility, and calm blue oceans, HA! Give me smog, headaches, and repeats of “A Good Genie, Not A Meanie!”

Still want me to find those songs?

After seeing Sam and Harry miss the boat, we jump back to the hotel and Sophie tells her friends exactly what's going on: The diary doesn't say who got Donna preggers, so she invited all 3 men to the island and Sophie will find out by “Instinct,” thus we have plan made out of pure “Par for the stupid,” as she reveals that she's not telling her fiancee what's happening because he'd do the sensible thing and try to stop her from inviting all three men to the wedding in a couple of days.

What a jerk, huh?

We see the two dads introduce each other, before the third, Bill offers a ride on his boat...and that's enough about that, let's introduce Donna's friends, fun loving author Rosie (Julie Walters) and fun loving divorcee Tanya (Christine Baranski). No, I didn't miss anything, we go to here right after the third guy pops up with his boat.

Songs by ABBA, editing by howler monkeys.

Oh, and we know that Rosie is an author because the guy in front of her just happens to have her cook book. Exposition, no words, no waiting.

We then jump back to the island, where we see Sophie introduce her friends to her fiancee, Sky (Dominic Cooper) as he scoops up the women and...his ADR tells them to put him down even though he's the one that lifted them up? What do you do when your dub has no literal direction? Anyway, he pops in to serve up some more exposition, namely to confirm this big island wedding is Sophie's idea as he'd prefer a quickie elope with beer and jeans.

Don't know what the Greek equivalent of a Elvis impersonating preacher would be.

But the minute he leaves, we get confirmation that Sophie is indeed made of stupid, as she confirms that if she told Sky what she did, he'd tell Donna and stop this bone dead stupid plan in it's tracks. Yeah, what a dick with all his...logic...and...reason. Sophie then mentions the real reason she's going through with this with par for the stupid reasoning, namely that it feels like a part of her his missing and finding her dad would fix it.

Oh, it's not that part, lots of people who don't know their parents feel that way...it's the fact that she invited all 3 possible dads WITHOUT SAYING 'YOU MIGHT BE MY DAD' AND TRUSTING HER OWN SENSES TO RECONIZE HIM.

Speaking of the three dads, we see 'em work on the boat to make sure it keeps going...to an instrumental of “Waterloo.” Because...the ocean has water in it! Did I mention there's a problem when your jukebox musical's catalog is set to only one band? But that won't be a problem for long, as we AGAIN jump right to Donna's friends right after that crucial minute of...three guys and a boat...to show that the three used to work together in a band known as “Donna and the Dynamos” as they reunite on the beach outside of Donna's hotel.

And...yeah, I gotta say it, the movie actually gets what it feels like to be a parent about to face the empty nest.

It's just a couple of lines, namely that Donna doesn't understand what's going on with her child, and when asked if she wants Sophie to leave, replies that she wants what's best for her...and of course she doesn't. This is what parents feel when any of their kids are about to go out into the world; they did a great job setting up their kid to have their own place in the world...but they also, if they could, find away to duct tape 'em to one spot. And this is felt through out the rest of the movie too, as there's several spots where the mother-daughter dynamic feels 100% genuine. It's one of the few things this movie does get right.

We then jump back to the three dads on the boat and they introduce themselves to each other, seeing as they actually have 5 minutes to take a break from making sure the dang thing doesn't sink. They talk about why they're going, namely they're close with Donna and...yeah, this is another of the positive things I gotta mention, and something I wish most romantic comedies.

The three more or less confirm how much they know Donna and...are totally cool with it, even hints of some form of friendship/comradery over it. Most of these romantic comedies involving multiple eras of loves meeting result in brawls and people being assholes, no matter how much time has passed or if they themselves have moved on. While some people do feel that way, the more realistic outcome would be like if somebody with a family encounters their high school sweetheart at the reunion, there's something still there, but everybody's moved on, and the sweetheart's husband and the family man actually bond over what kind of person she, with thing going from there.

We jump back to the villa and find out that it's Sky's job to make the hotel go online as nobody can apparently find this one spot. This...one spot that is surrounded by ocean, has beautiful views, architecture that'd make fans of the stuff so happy to stay...yeah, who'd wanna advertise THAT!? This villa also comes complete with a legend, that the water from the fountain is from Aphrodite herself and if you drink from it, you find your true love!

And we'll file this under “Save for ending.”

After that, Donna gives her friends the tour and mentions that the hotel is more or less broken down and she has to constantly repair it, much to her frustrations, which leads to...her singing “Money, Money, Money.”

Ok...let's talk about the difference between two movies that use one thing for their jukebox musical... Pink Floyd's The Wall vs. Mamma Mia.

It's much easier to do a movie based on “The Wall” because it's a concept album. The album tells the story of an individual, Pink, and his life from start to finish, thus it makes sense that a whole movie about this can be written. The movie is about Pink's life from start to finish, but the songs are applied, even reordered (With one or two added in) with it being a musical in mind. The story is there, they just had to do some proper editing and rearranging for a different medium.

NONE of the ABBA songs in Mamma Mia were made to tell a complete story, just their own...and it shows when you apply a song about wanting to marry rich to both a movie about a woman who is trying to be as independent as she can be...and to the woman who's trying to be as independent as she can be.

Hell, they even keep in the lyrics of wanting to find a rich dude so she didn't have to work again...except the movie never shows this personality trait at all. No, it's in here for the same reason “Waterloo” was heard as we panned over the ocean, it's an ABBA song, we had to put it SOMEWHERE. It doesn't matter if the character never showed the traits of wishing to marry just for money, we need something that comes close to complaining about how she's exhausted at constantly fixing the hotel, it just HAPPENED to have the lyrics of her wanting to marry rich.

This is gonna hold true when the sequel starts using their during/post divorce songs, just because you have ALL the ABBA songs doesn't mean you should USE all the ABBA songs.

Oh, and to top it all off? Rosie and Tanya offer to pay for the repairs and staff themselves in the middle of the song, seeing as they're both as loaded as Donna wishes her imaginary rich hus---I mean “Herself” was, but she refuses them. So, it's fine to leech off a man you married, but legit help is too much.

And, of course, because the song has the lyrics, she then says her best option is to go somewhere and gamble to get her fortune. Because...THAT'S the smart thing for somebody so broke to do! C'mon, how dark can the red get for somebody!? “Money, Money, Money” is one of the best highlights as to why an all ABBA musical doesn't work, and it leads me to ANOTHER comparison. Namely The Beatles Vs. ABBA with Across the Universe.

Oh, don't get me wrong, Across the Universe has the same problem Mamma Mia has, a one band jukebox musical does not story make...especially since they had to force Strawberry Fields to be about 'Naim... But the thing is, most of the songs used either fit the situation or were altered TO fit the situation. The most popular song from “Magical Mystery Tour,” “I Am The Walrus,” was used during a drug trip...on a bus to a hippie commune. At the same time? Songs like “Helter Skelter” were altered to sound like Janius Jopplin to fit the narrative better.

Across was also about the 60's in general...and it's the Beatles' catalog. The combination of both results in better story telling that can overcome the problems with a one band jukebox musical, as there's enough songs that can apply to the characters and events around them. I dare you to sit through the “Let It Be” scene and not be moved, let alone think. As many songs that ABBA has...I'm sorry, but...it's The Beatles' catalog, that's gonna win out every time, especially when your movie can do this to one of their songs and be just as effective with the meaning change...

But the thing is, the Beatless Beatles movie wasn't afraid to alter the meaning, or even genre, of the song if it meant it could tell it's story. The ABBA movie wants to stick to the ABBA style so badly, we're getting a song that has nothing to do with our character only because it's the CLOSEST to her complaining about how the hotel around her is falling apart despite her efforts. Doesn't matter if “Waterloo” wasn't really about water, we're over water, so here's “Waterloo.” Complaining about how your DIY efforts are never ending? Doesn't matter if your character's proud that she got this far on her own, “Money, Money, Money.” And yes, this comes with the fantasy of Donna and her friends on a yacht.

And if you're saw the second movie first, that part of your brain screaming is a normal reaction.

This, for some reason, causes the spot she's on to crack and tells everybody not to worry about it.

And we'll file this under “Save for ending.”

So, the three dads finally show up and Sophie runs into them and that instinct she mentions...does NOT kick in as she finally realizes she's done screwed up! Oh, who'd thought those icky consequences had...consequences!? Well, all 3 asked to see their rooms...except, since Donna's not supposed to know that, it becomes hide the dudes as Sophie takes 'em to a part of the island she thinks Donna isn't working on, an old barn. I'll spare you both the details and the convo about how “lonely” Donna's friends think she is...save for her saying she doesn't miss the part of her life that resulted in meeting the three dudes, for a HORRIBLE set up for what's to come.

Thankfully, they're not hidden long, as after a nice conversation about trying to find out what her mom means to all three men, Sophie fails to hide them which causes Donna to find them by pure accident. And...ok, I like this joke...when Donna sees all three of them, she imagines them the last time she saw them...kinda, as it's still their president day selves made up to look like how they were decades ago. It's a hilarious take on how the mind remembers.

Of course, if you saw the second movie first, your mind screaming is normal.

This leads to the movie's title song, “Mamma Mia,” and as catchy as this version is...yeah...there's a problem with this.

Prior to it, Donna said she was happy to put her past behind her...and considering the only part of her past Sophie had to find in the attic, we kinda took Donna at her word...and still do. This is an easy fix, have one of Donna's friends find a face down frame of Donna with one of her exes, her wearing an earring that one of 'em bought her, or even just have her look at a spot on the island where she last saw everybody. They don't, so this resurgence, and the song about the resurgence, come right out of nowhere. And, while it's possible to still have lingering feelings, from a writing standpoint, there needs to be something here to set up the contrast of what Donna says vs. what she really feels...and there isn't.

And as she's singing, it looks like the people who help her out on the island show up...except it's odd, because when one of 'em opens the door to the roof, she looks like she has no idea where it comes from despite being surrounded...and they blow on her, causing her to fall in.

I guess job security is strong in Greece.

And no...I have no idea why all that happened.

Credit where credit is due, the guys keep up Sophie's stupid plan of keeping Donna out of her stupid plan, making up excuses for why they're here as she's obviously pissed off that they're all here. So much for the song about not getting over your ex, huh? Well, one of the reasons why this was such a stupid, AND INSENSTITIVE, plan kicks in as Donna gets her friends to talk to them about what she just saw, as she cries obviously broken hearted over the past events that lead her to break up with the three dads in the first place. Yeah, who's got time to worry about bad memories coming back, your GUT will help you through those icky consequences!

This leads to Rosie and Tanya singing “Chiquita,” one of the few times so far where the ABBA song fits, to help her recover and explain what's going on, leading her to reveal that she has no idea who Sophie's dad is out of all 3, much to the shock of her band-mates.

Again, brain screaming after seeing the second movie first is normal.

Her friends try to see them for themselves, only to have the barn empty and Donna complain it being about fate, causing her workers to laugh...hinting that they're the fates?

...this is gonna hurt later, isn't it?

Donna laments that she thinks the truth would hurt Sophie, especially since she herself doesn't know who's Sophie's dad, as her friends complain that she sounds like her overbearing Catholic mother and miss the life of the party she used to be. Yeah, you hear that people who wanna change? You stop sleeping around and actually grow up, nobody'll be your friend!

Well, this is enough to cause the girls to remind Donna how much of the life of the party she was with “Dancing Queen.” Because when going through an internal crisis that leaves you a broken mess, it's the perfect time to remind the person who regrets sleeping around and their behavior that sleeping around and their behavior was FUN!

Not only does the song do it's job and actually cheers Donna up, but it spreads all over the island as suddenly, women everywhere stops what they're doing and start dancing along, including a woman stopping her job of picking up wood and several housewives leaving the kitchen to get up and dance! You go ladies, show us male oppressors you can do the hustle better than we can!

Also, seeing as this is the only time I can say it, as somebody who doesn't like ABBA, I admit that these covers are pretty catchy.

Back to Sophie's par for the stupid plan as she convinces the three dads to stay put by saying it's all due to stress from the wedding.

However, it does lead to another moment where they picked the right song for the job, “Our Last Summer,” as it's used as a framing device for the three guys to tell Sophie the time they each spent with her mom in some tender moments. Though, I do hope they left somethings out...don't think she wants to know which position makes her bark like a dog.

All though, this brings up SOME questions. Sophie's supposed to be in her twenties and this is supposed to be set up to be in the modern day...except the lyrics to “Our Last Summer” was about love during the summer of love, 1969. Unless they met up again in 1985, I got questions.

After the song, Sky calls Sophie back to the island so they can talk about what they're both doing since he has his stag party and she has her batchlorette party...though, she might not make it if Sky's cigar hand burns his future's wife hair off. Yeah, she might have a few words with you if that happens before the wedding. This leads to the two of them singing “Lay All Your Love On Me,” which is fine and dandy...until Sky's friends sing the lyrics to Sophie and Sophie's friends sing the same lyrics to...uh...Sophie...at her batchlorette party...

...uh...okay....

But we're not given a break, as we go right into Donna and the Dynamos, the band made up of Donna, Rosie, and Tanya, break into... “Super-Trooper...” Yes...'cause it's always a good sign for your wedding when your love ones breaks into a song about trying to find a man who might not even be there the night before.

Did I mention the back half of the ABBA catalog? The one where they were all divorcing each other?

The song has double meaning though as it's not just a mom and two extended family members singing ABBA, but all three men are watching Donna perform and she just spotted them, and...all she does is point them out to her band-mates who missed them in the barn and...that's it. No reaction beyond that...not even stumbling the lyrics...for a romantic comedy, it's been awhile since I had to type the comedy.

As we hear Donna complain about all three men, we go to Sophie's group of friends going to the three men as it's time for the bachelorette traditions of...uh...the kidnapping of the middle ages...okay...and all of this is done to... “Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie! (A Man After Midnight),” a song about the singer singing about the perfect man...that...doesn't exist...

…

I wonder if after both this and “Super-Trooper,” an actual bride would take their mom or friends aside and ask if they were telling her something.

The only one who didn't participate is Sam, as he uses the time to talk to Sophie about what she drew during their time on the boat and starts putting two and two together when he sees Sophie's reactions to some of the things talks about when he...uh...talks about the last time he and Donna were together.

Gee, I don't know, mister dark haired, black eyed man. Are you the father of the blond hair, blue eyed woman?

After Donna says this was her mother's doing from Heaven...

Causing more people who saw the second movie first to have their brains screaming.

...Sophie meets up with Harry, and the two talk about his life outside the island...that us until he asks if her dad's here, causing her to confess she has no clue who he is...and him to put two and two together.

Gee, I don't know, mister brown haired, brown eyed man. Are you the father of the blond haired, blue eyed woman?

Finally, she gets to Bill and he asks how her mom got the villa in the first place. It turns out, when Sophie was little, Donna took care of the old lady who used to live there and when she passed on, willed her enough money to get the place. This causes Bill to realize the old lady was his great aunt Sophia...and Sophie reveals that's who she's named after and he starts to put two and two together.

Gee, I don't know, mister blond haired, blue eyed man. Are you the father of the blond haired, blue eyed woman?

When Bill confirms Sophie is 20...and considering Donna doesn't know who the father is, this means all 3 met her again SOMEHOW in 1988...Bill confirms that he might be kinda sorta maybe doesn't know definitely her dad and will give her away tomorrow. No, really, that's how this plays out because he flip flops on “Maybe, yeah” right before the other two dads pop up and say they're gonna do the same thing in the middle of Sky's friends trying to take the women during their party to “Voulez-Vous.” Naturally, this leads Sophie to freak the heck out and faint on the spot.

I say it's more she realized they're singing an ABBA song, but that's me.

So, Sophie's and Donna's friends work on a plan to distract the dads and fix this mess...except it leads to an even bigger mess of “You think they're saying one thing when they're saying the other,” with Bill thinking Harry is coming out and Harry thinking Bill still has a thing for Donna. Speaking of Donna, time for those consequences to catch up to both her and her daughter, as Sophie breaks down when Donna asks what she wants...except Donna thinks this is all to call off the wedding, leading to a big blow up, with Sophie saying her kids are gonna know who their daddy's gonna be.

What? Likable people? Pheh, next thing you'll tell me a romantic comedy has to have the “Romance” part.

And we actually do see Donna kept something from one of her boyfriends, Sam...1 hour and 4 minutes in...his bagpipes. This leads to Sam and Donna having a mini-reunion with them talking about what's best for Sophie...and what she really wants, leading Donna to say she's super duper happy to be single and doesn't need any help from Sam.

Anybody else remember she sang “Money, Money, Money?”

The result is the very thing Broson signed up for, a duet with Streep singing “SOS.” It's somehow both fitting...and not at the same time. It exposes that they both still have feelings for each other...except in the first act, Donna was honest about her moving on and clearly wants to show she can do things without his help, even still resents that he's on the island...and his feelings for her JUST came back when he got the invite. Considering the song is about a couple on the verge of splitting that don't want to split, it's a bit confusing...but, hey, we gotta have the ABBA quota here, that's why we got “Waterloo” over water.

Speaking of using ABBA music when the plot says we don't have to, after Harry ditches Tanya, the bartender from last night, and one of Sky's friends, tries to put the moves on her and she replies back with “Does Your Mother Know,” about exactly what you think it is. Ah, nothing like the romantic comedy musical made to target your aunt, mom, and possibly grandma, to have a scene (and song) involving a woman wanting to have an affair with somebody you have to ask what grade they're in.

And that's all you're gonna get out of me, this song has no purpose and if you edited it out after Harry's jump, nothing would be lost. Maybe there was something in the original play, but it got kicked out for time or something...though...why did they keep the start of it i---forget it.

Speaking of Harry, he comes back to the hotel and gives Donna a check to help her with both the wedding and the island...causing Donna to refuse to accept it as Harry tries to run and hide so she can't refuse the check.

Not sure if that's how it works legally...also, remember, “Money, Money, Money.”

During all of this, Sophie confesses her stupid plan to Sky, complete with saying...well, it was stupid and her “My gut” idea didn't work. This causes Sky to blow up and think the wedding was why to do that when, as she mentioned with her joke about jeans and beer, all along he just wanted to take two witnesses to the mainland and elope after all.

Hold out for Vegas, an Elvis Impersonator can marry you AND it'd be legal! Be something to tell your kids.

After the blow up, Sam pops up and tries talk to Sophie out of doing the wedding, only to frustrate her even more, causing her to run all the way back to Donna...who gets a few snips in about Sophie's friends not helping her getting ready.

Again, who needs people to be LIKABLE in a romantic comedy?

Actually, this sets up one of the most touching scenes in the movie as Donna, while getting Sophie ready, sings “Slipping Through My Fingers” and reflects about being one step closer to her daughter leaving the nest. And, I'll admit it, there's tears in my eyes over this thanks to Streep's performance, the segment showing mom and daughter getting ready for the wedding, and how reflective the song is.

Excuse me, I got something in my eye...and gotta call up something manly for no reason...

After Sophie asks if she's been more of a hindrance than a daughter, Donna reveals that the reason she wound up doing everything on her own, from the villa to raising Sophie, is because her strict mother told her to never comeback due to having a kid.

Even if you didn't see the second movie for this one, Hell, just knowing who plays Donna's mother in it, your brain is going into meltdown mode.

Sam tries for one last time to both give Sophie away AND repair his relationship with Donna, which leads to her singing “The Winner Takes It All...” which...I don't get... A good example for why is there's a lyric that asks “Does she kiss you like I used to,” except we don't see hide or hair about Sam's wife...or even know if they were still together until he saw Donna again...and the break up in the song is supposed to be relatively recent, given the content so...why this song?

Well, it's finally time for the wedding...that Sophie is obviously mad that Donna ran late because she was singing a badly timed break up song off key. Hey, 20 some years is better than never, right? Well, the wedding kinda stops when Donna decides to reveal who Sophie's dad is...and Sophie reveals her stupid stupid plan that...par for the stupid says Donna easily forgives and Sophie forgives her mom for not telling her a dang thing. Family therapy, counseling, and possible resentment? Those are icky icky ICKY thoughts, we got a wedding to continue!

Well...not so fast, as Sam, Bill, and Harry have their turn to interrupt the wedding. Sam admits that he came back to the island after breaking up the engagement to his fiance at the time...only to hear Donna moved on and got his other wife on the grounds that...she married Sam to prove that Sam's an idiot? ...what year's the resentment anniversary? Well, anyway, this causes Donna to fall in love with him all over again! It'd be...no, no, there's no word other than stupid for this.

Harry takes his turn, and agrees to share Sophie with Sam and comes out right then and there...only that part doesn't really factor into the plot, so let's jump right into Bill's saying “I'll be a dad, too,” and we can FINALLY get this wedding go---

So...get this...after all 3 dads say they're chill being 3 dads, Sophie realizes that all of this was to...SOMEHOW...teach her that she has plenty of time to actually get married and suggests that she and Sky go around the world and settle down later, causing everybody to cheer! Again, file any anger and resentment family and friends might have at this activity that took time out of their lives and away from their own loved ones as “Consequences are icky.” But, hey, we got a priest, we got a church, AND we got a love rekindled as Sam and Donna agreed to get married as Sam belts out “I Do, I Do, I Do.”

And this, per rules for par for the stupid, actually works as the two get married! Years of resentment, bitter anger, moments that made you wonder why these people should be together or even near anything that can be called a weapon? Who cares! We need our happy ending! Complete with “When Is All Said And Done” during the reception. And, yes folks, if you know your ABBA, this was the very song all 4 members wrote and performed...about their divorce!

Yes, I complained that they had no guts to change the cover to reflect the plot...except the one time they do...and it's the song that the band admitted to singing when they were going through the motions of being in mourning over the end of their relationships! You just can't win with this band.

Well, even though the song is about the end of romances, it's not the end of the movie as, as I've said before, we HAVE to meet the ABBA quota as it turns out Rosie has a thing for Bill as they start a round of the song “Take a Chance On Me.” They've never interacted until the boat scene, this is the first they were right next to each other...but it's time for love!

Oh, don't worry, they'll make a prequel to retcon this later. It'll also cause that headache that you have in the back of your head.

The crack from earlier with the love water from earlier finally breaks, everybody dances with each other because magic water...I think...they're not clear...we get a reprise of “Mamma Mia,” and then we see Sky and Sophie leave the island to a reprise of “I Have a Dream...” Only to have our movie FINALLY end when Donna and the Dynamos come up from the ocean to sing “Dancing Queen,” causing every non ABBA/disco fan to countdown until they can drag their loved ones to Rock of Ages in revenge (Only to regret doing that themselves)...

Only for drunk aunt karaoke to continue as they break into “Waterloo,” complete with the 3 dads joining in, followed by Sophie and Sky...and...the Greek Gods...sure, all we had was that Aphrodite legend that really didn't pay off as it was never said if the water was really magic or not or that Donna's helpers were the fates, but sure, WHY NOT!?

Because while the Beatles had a diverse catalog (And a movie staff having the balls to change a song's meeting/genre) and it was easier to turn Pink Floyd's concept album into a story, a jukebox musical full of ABBA songs is full of problems.

When you limit to one group and try to be as strict as possible to their style, or even meaning, it's gonna clash with the characters one way or another. As much as somebody like me who does negative reviews for comedy jokes that viewers can be idiots, we know better; viewers are gonna remember that Donna sung the WHOLE thing of “Money, Money, Money” so when THREE loaded exes come by to help, she's gonna look like a stubborn moron when she gets what the song says she's been wishing for. And guys? PANNING OVER WATER DOESN'T MEAN “PLAY 'WATERLOO,'” it means you're panning over water.

Also, again, I would think if a bride heard her mom or friends sing “Super-Trooper” or “Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie!” the night before her big important wedding, I think she'd be a bit pissed off and wonder if their friends are (Not so) subtlety trying to tell her something. THOSE AREN'T LOVE SONGS!

Not to mention, I said before, there's moments like “Does Your Mother Know” that can be dumped with nothing important lost, or stuff like singing “Take a Chance On Me” with two of the characters who only interacted close to each other when the song started. And, seriously, what was up with the fountain, the Greek Gods, and the assistants being the fates? We don't get any magic beyond what I just said, and even then, it's suggestive at best and in a bad way.

HOWEVER...

Not all of this movie was bad and it had some stuff I actually wish other romantic comedies had. I love the idea that the three guys were just like “Oh, you dated her once? That's cool” and bond with both each other and Sophie over the memories they had of Donna. Trust me, in an age where the rom-com still has “Ex am bad” as a plot device, it's a breath of fresh-air. All the actors worked well off of each other, clearly having fun even if Brosnon was only there to work with Streep.

Which...yeah, that's an awesome reason.

And...ok, as somebody who hates disco and ABBA as a band...most of the covers were pretty good.

Oh, don't get me wrong, I still hate ABBA. Anybody who'd be dumb enough to try to play “Dancing Queen” around me will find out what a South Park fan means when they say “Roshambo.” But that doesn't mean not all of the songs, especially these covers, aren't catchy. The covers of “Dancing Queen,” “I Have a Dream,” and the title track itself, “Mamma Mia,” are gonna be in my head with good reason despite my dislike of ABBA. Really helps that at least the cast has fun singing these songs.

Still, there's better jukebox musicals out there and if you wanna hear the covers for yourself, I can only recommend the soundtrack for more casual fans or fans of the band. If you loved the original play, you might find SOMETHING to enjoy, but for the most part? Hope you like the water stuff, 'cause this is a wash out.

But we're not done yet. Oh no, see, there was a sequel to this movie...a mere 10 years later...and with Streep as a cameo. Why you may ask?

Re-read that “Mere 10 years later” and ask if Universal cared enough to pay her usual fee.

FINAL VERDICT: For songs that don't fit, moments of characters being together just for a song, songs and scenes that didn't need to be in, unlikable jerk characters, BUT redeeming points for chemistry, catchy covers, this movie gets a MST3K B-MOVIE BOMB! I actually had fun rewriting this lost review...but that's my extent of it outside of the covers being in my head. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to prep myself for movie 2, meaning using the back half of the ABBA catalog...you know...their divorce songs.

*SLAM*

Oh, that's just the case file on it...I have to get a forklift for the therapy book. See ya in awhile.