Thursday, September 9, 2021

B-Movie Bomb: Mamma Mia! (Spoilers)

 I wanna make one thing clear going into this so you'd know what to expect...I hate disco.


Naturally, this means I hate ABBA.


Not as individuals, I don't know who they are outside of morons that thought being married to each other could survive ego, production clashes, and the 70's, but as a group, not a fan. But even then I will admit they're a very influential group as their music not only had a hand of influencing the disco era, but even managed to survive a few years after it's death.


Their marriages to each other, not so much...and if you can tell what the follow up to Mamma Mia! will be, you can already guess why I'm opening with a joke about the 4 being 2 couples.


Yes, because I lost the original review, and I actually need a pallet cleanser after the 1990 Aladdin...


Oh yeah, ABBA is the cleanser, it was that bad.


...I figured something as inoffensive as your mom's/aunt's karaoke and booze night would fit the bill.


Based on the stage play by two of the members, Benny Andersson and Bjorn Ulvaeus, the play takes their music and applies it to romances involving the past, present, and future...and that's a problem because it falls under “Just because you own the catalog doesn't mean you should use ALL of it.”


So, the movie opens with Sophie (Amanda Seyfried) at a mailbox, singing “I have a dream” because she's mailing 3 letters to 3 men because, as we'll find out later, one of them might be her dad. This is actually a good use of the song with the moment, as it actually lets us know that she, more than anything, would love to know who her dad is and meeting him is very important to her. It's very touching and a good way to kick off the main plot.


Then they screw it up.


How? Well, all 3 men, Sam Carmichael (Pierce Brosnan), Harry Bright (Collin Firth), and Bill Anderson (Stellan Skarsgard), are introduced via the instrumental version of... “Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie! (A Man After Midnight)...”


Yes, because you want your romantic comedy that has a “Who's my dad” plot to introduce the 3 main dudes with a song about how the perfect man doesn't exist.


Yeah...funny story...if you're gonna stick to one band's song list for that musical, it gets kinda awkward when you go from the “We're all in love and married” half to the “Oh God, what's his/her lawyer gonna try to get from me” half...and not the last time this is gonna happen...or even with the “In love” half...


After a montage of our three duds getting ready to go, we jump to an island that houses a dilapidated hotel that doubles as Sophie's home, where we meet her two friends...and don't ask me who's who or who's playing who, there's very little to no personality with those characters to make me even care. She tells them about her plan and how she found out about her dads, namely her mom's journal hidden in the attic, and she then reads to them that all 3 men rocked her mom's world...while she...sings... “Honey, honey...” About...her...dads...I feel dirty...


Yeah, I don't care if you're reading from your mom's own writing, NOBODY SHOULD SING “HONEY, HONEY” ABOUT THEIR OWN FAMILY!


Speaking of family, we're then introduced to Donna (Meryl Streep), the owner of the hotel who, due to having almost no money, is DIYing the repairs to the hotel herself. Yeah, why would Donna have money for this hotel in the middle of a secluded island in the middle of the ocean just outside of Greece? Peace, tranquility, and calm blue oceans, HA! Give me smog, headaches, and repeats of “A Good Genie, Not A Meanie!”





Still want me to find those songs?


After seeing Sam and Harry miss the boat, we jump back to the hotel and Sophie tells her friends exactly what's going on: The diary doesn't say who got Donna preggers, so she invited all 3 men to the island and Sophie will find out by “Instinct,” thus we have plan made out of pure “Par for the stupid,” as she reveals that she's not telling her fiancee what's happening because he'd do the sensible thing and try to stop her from inviting all three men to the wedding in a couple of days.


What a jerk, huh?


We see the two dads introduce each other, before the third, Bill offers a ride on his boat...and that's enough about that, let's introduce Donna's friends, fun loving author Rosie (Julie Walters) and fun loving divorcee Tanya (Christine Baranski). No, I didn't miss anything, we go to here right after the third guy pops up with his boat.


Songs by ABBA, editing by howler monkeys.


Oh, and we know that Rosie is an author because the guy in front of her just happens to have her cook book. Exposition, no words, no waiting.


We then jump back to the island, where we see Sophie introduce her friends to her fiancee, Sky (Dominic Cooper) as he scoops up the women and...his ADR tells them to put him down even though he's the one that lifted them up? What do you do when your dub has no literal direction? Anyway, he pops in to serve up some more exposition, namely to confirm this big island wedding is Sophie's idea as he'd prefer a quickie elope with beer and jeans.


Don't know what the Greek equivalent of a Elvis impersonating preacher would be.


But the minute he leaves, we get confirmation that Sophie is indeed made of stupid, as she confirms that if she told Sky what she did, he'd tell Donna and stop this bone dead stupid plan in it's tracks. Yeah, what a dick with all his...logic...and...reason. Sophie then mentions the real reason she's going through with this with par for the stupid reasoning, namely that it feels like a part of her his missing and finding her dad would fix it.


Oh, it's not that part, lots of people who don't know their parents feel that way...it's the fact that she invited all 3 possible dads WITHOUT SAYING 'YOU MIGHT BE MY DAD' AND TRUSTING HER OWN SENSES TO RECONIZE HIM.


Speaking of the three dads, we see 'em work on the boat to make sure it keeps going...to an instrumental of “Waterloo.” Because...the ocean has water in it! Did I mention there's a problem when your jukebox musical's catalog is set to only one band? But that won't be a problem for long, as we AGAIN jump right to Donna's friends right after that crucial minute of...three guys and a boat...to show that the three used to work together in a band known as “Donna and the Dynamos” as they reunite on the beach outside of Donna's hotel.


And...yeah, I gotta say it, the movie actually gets what it feels like to be a parent about to face the empty nest.


It's just a couple of lines, namely that Donna doesn't understand what's going on with her child, and when asked if she wants Sophie to leave, replies that she wants what's best for her...and of course she doesn't. This is what parents feel when any of their kids are about to go out into the world; they did a great job setting up their kid to have their own place in the world...but they also, if they could, find away to duct tape 'em to one spot. And this is felt through out the rest of the movie too, as there's several spots where the mother-daughter dynamic feels 100% genuine. It's one of the few things this movie does get right.


We then jump back to the three dads on the boat and they introduce themselves to each other, seeing as they actually have 5 minutes to take a break from making sure the dang thing doesn't sink. They talk about why they're going, namely they're close with Donna and...yeah, this is another of the positive things I gotta mention, and something I wish most romantic comedies.


The three more or less confirm how much they know Donna and...are totally cool with it, even hints of some form of friendship/comradery over it. Most of these romantic comedies involving multiple eras of loves meeting result in brawls and people being assholes, no matter how much time has passed or if they themselves have moved on. While some people do feel that way, the more realistic outcome would be like if somebody with a family encounters their high school sweetheart at the reunion, there's something still there, but everybody's moved on, and the sweetheart's husband and the family man actually bond over what kind of person she, with thing going from there.


We jump back to the villa and find out that it's Sky's job to make the hotel go online as nobody can apparently find this one spot. This...one spot that is surrounded by ocean, has beautiful views, architecture that'd make fans of the stuff so happy to stay...yeah, who'd wanna advertise THAT!? This villa also comes complete with a legend, that the water from the fountain is from Aphrodite herself and if you drink from it, you find your true love!


And we'll file this under “Save for ending.”


After that, Donna gives her friends the tour and mentions that the hotel is more or less broken down and she has to constantly repair it, much to her frustrations, which leads to...her singing “Money, Money, Money.”


Ok...let's talk about the difference between two movies that use one thing for their jukebox musical... Pink Floyd's The Wall vs. Mamma Mia.


It's much easier to do a movie based on “The Wall” because it's a concept album. The album tells the story of an individual, Pink, and his life from start to finish, thus it makes sense that a whole movie about this can be written. The movie is about Pink's life from start to finish, but the songs are applied, even reordered (With one or two added in) with it being a musical in mind. The story is there, they just had to do some proper editing and rearranging for a different medium.


NONE of the ABBA songs in Mamma Mia were made to tell a complete story, just their own...and it shows when you apply a song about wanting to marry rich to both a movie about a woman who is trying to be as independent as she can be...and to the woman who's trying to be as independent as she can be.


Hell, they even keep in the lyrics of wanting to find a rich dude so she didn't have to work again...except the movie never shows this personality trait at all. No, it's in here for the same reason “Waterloo” was heard as we panned over the ocean, it's an ABBA song, we had to put it SOMEWHERE. It doesn't matter if the character never showed the traits of wishing to marry just for money, we need something that comes close to complaining about how she's exhausted at constantly fixing the hotel, it just HAPPENED to have the lyrics of her wanting to marry rich.


This is gonna hold true when the sequel starts using their during/post divorce songs, just because you have ALL the ABBA songs doesn't mean you should USE all the ABBA songs.


Oh, and to top it all off? Rosie and Tanya offer to pay for the repairs and staff themselves in the middle of the song, seeing as they're both as loaded as Donna wishes her imaginary rich hus---I mean “Herself” was, but she refuses them. So, it's fine to leech off a man you married, but legit help is too much.


And, of course, because the song has the lyrics, she then says her best option is to go somewhere and gamble to get her fortune. Because...THAT'S the smart thing for somebody so broke to do! C'mon, how dark can the red get for somebody!? “Money, Money, Money” is one of the best highlights as to why an all ABBA musical doesn't work, and it leads me to ANOTHER comparison. Namely The Beatles Vs. ABBA with Across the Universe.


Oh, don't get me wrong, Across the Universe has the same problem Mamma Mia has, a one band jukebox musical does not story make...especially since they had to force Strawberry Fields to be about 'Naim... But the thing is, most of the songs used either fit the situation or were altered TO fit the situation. The most popular song from “Magical Mystery Tour,” “I Am The Walrus,” was used during a drug trip...on a bus to a hippie commune. At the same time? Songs like “Helter Skelter” were altered to sound like Janius Jopplin to fit the narrative better.


Across was also about the 60's in general...and it's the Beatles' catalog. The combination of both results in better story telling that can overcome the problems with a one band jukebox musical, as there's enough songs that can apply to the characters and events around them. I dare you to sit through the “Let It Be” scene and not be moved, let alone think. As many songs that ABBA has...I'm sorry, but...it's The Beatles' catalog, that's gonna win out every time, especially when your movie can do this to one of their songs and be just as effective with the meaning change...





But the thing is, the Beatless Beatles movie wasn't afraid to alter the meaning, or even genre, of the song if it meant it could tell it's story. The ABBA movie wants to stick to the ABBA style so badly, we're getting a song that has nothing to do with our character only because it's the CLOSEST to her complaining about how the hotel around her is falling apart despite her efforts. Doesn't matter if “Waterloo” wasn't really about water, we're over water, so here's “Waterloo.” Complaining about how your DIY efforts are never ending? Doesn't matter if your character's proud that she got this far on her own, “Money, Money, Money.” And yes, this comes with the fantasy of Donna and her friends on a yacht.


And if you're saw the second movie first, that part of your brain screaming is a normal reaction.


This, for some reason, causes the spot she's on to crack and tells everybody not to worry about it.


And we'll file this under “Save for ending.”


So, the three dads finally show up and Sophie runs into them and that instinct she mentions...does NOT kick in as she finally realizes she's done screwed up! Oh, who'd thought those icky consequences had...consequences!? Well, all 3 asked to see their rooms...except, since Donna's not supposed to know that, it becomes hide the dudes as Sophie takes 'em to a part of the island she thinks Donna isn't working on, an old barn. I'll spare you both the details and the convo about how “lonely” Donna's friends think she is...save for her saying she doesn't miss the part of her life that resulted in meeting the three dudes, for a HORRIBLE set up for what's to come.


Thankfully, they're not hidden long, as after a nice conversation about trying to find out what her mom means to all three men, Sophie fails to hide them which causes Donna to find them by pure accident. And...ok, I like this joke...when Donna sees all three of them, she imagines them the last time she saw them...kinda, as it's still their president day selves made up to look like how they were decades ago. It's a hilarious take on how the mind remembers.


Of course, if you saw the second movie first, your mind screaming is normal.


This leads to the movie's title song, “Mamma Mia,” and as catchy as this version is...yeah...there's a problem with this.


Prior to it, Donna said she was happy to put her past behind her...and considering the only part of her past Sophie had to find in the attic, we kinda took Donna at her word...and still do. This is an easy fix, have one of Donna's friends find a face down frame of Donna with one of her exes, her wearing an earring that one of 'em bought her, or even just have her look at a spot on the island where she last saw everybody. They don't, so this resurgence, and the song about the resurgence, come right out of nowhere. And, while it's possible to still have lingering feelings, from a writing standpoint, there needs to be something here to set up the contrast of what Donna says vs. what she really feels...and there isn't.


And as she's singing, it looks like the people who help her out on the island show up...except it's odd, because when one of 'em opens the door to the roof, she looks like she has no idea where it comes from despite being surrounded...and they blow on her, causing her to fall in.


I guess job security is strong in Greece.


And no...I have no idea why all that happened.


Credit where credit is due, the guys keep up Sophie's stupid plan of keeping Donna out of her stupid plan, making up excuses for why they're here as she's obviously pissed off that they're all here. So much for the song about not getting over your ex, huh? Well, one of the reasons why this was such a stupid, AND INSENSTITIVE, plan kicks in as Donna gets her friends to talk to them about what she just saw, as she cries obviously broken hearted over the past events that lead her to break up with the three dads in the first place. Yeah, who's got time to worry about bad memories coming back, your GUT will help you through those icky consequences!


This leads to Rosie and Tanya singing “Chiquita,” one of the few times so far where the ABBA song fits, to help her recover and explain what's going on, leading her to reveal that she has no idea who Sophie's dad is out of all 3, much to the shock of her band-mates.


Again, brain screaming after seeing the second movie first is normal.


Her friends try to see them for themselves, only to have the barn empty and Donna complain it being about fate, causing her workers to laugh...hinting that they're the fates?


...this is gonna hurt later, isn't it?


Donna laments that she thinks the truth would hurt Sophie, especially since she herself doesn't know who's Sophie's dad, as her friends complain that she sounds like her overbearing Catholic mother and miss the life of the party she used to be. Yeah, you hear that people who wanna change? You stop sleeping around and actually grow up, nobody'll be your friend!


Well, this is enough to cause the girls to remind Donna how much of the life of the party she was with “Dancing Queen.” Because when going through an internal crisis that leaves you a broken mess, it's the perfect time to remind the person who regrets sleeping around and their behavior that sleeping around and their behavior was FUN!


Not only does the song do it's job and actually cheers Donna up, but it spreads all over the island as suddenly, women everywhere stops what they're doing and start dancing along, including a woman stopping her job of picking up wood and several housewives leaving the kitchen to get up and dance! You go ladies, show us male oppressors you can do the hustle better than we can!


Also, seeing as this is the only time I can say it, as somebody who doesn't like ABBA, I admit that these covers are pretty catchy.


Back to Sophie's par for the stupid plan as she convinces the three dads to stay put by saying it's all due to stress from the wedding.




However, it does lead to another moment where they picked the right song for the job, “Our Last Summer,” as it's used as a framing device for the three guys to tell Sophie the time they each spent with her mom in some tender moments. Though, I do hope they left somethings out...don't think she wants to know which position makes her bark like a dog.


All though, this brings up SOME questions. Sophie's supposed to be in her twenties and this is supposed to be set up to be in the modern day...except the lyrics to “Our Last Summer” was about love during the summer of love, 1969. Unless they met up again in 1985, I got questions.


After the song, Sky calls Sophie back to the island so they can talk about what they're both doing since he has his stag party and she has her batchlorette party...though, she might not make it if Sky's cigar hand burns his future's wife hair off. Yeah, she might have a few words with you if that happens before the wedding. This leads to the two of them singing “Lay All Your Love On Me,” which is fine and dandy...until Sky's friends sing the lyrics to Sophie and Sophie's friends sing the same lyrics to...uh...Sophie...at her batchlorette party...


...uh...okay....


But we're not given a break, as we go right into Donna and the Dynamos, the band made up of Donna, Rosie, and Tanya, break into... “Super-Trooper...” Yes...'cause it's always a good sign for your wedding when your love ones breaks into a song about trying to find a man who might not even be there the night before.


Did I mention the back half of the ABBA catalog? The one where they were all divorcing each other?


The song has double meaning though as it's not just a mom and two extended family members singing ABBA, but all three men are watching Donna perform and she just spotted them, and...all she does is point them out to her band-mates who missed them in the barn and...that's it. No reaction beyond that...not even stumbling the lyrics...for a romantic comedy, it's been awhile since I had to type the comedy.


As we hear Donna complain about all three men, we go to Sophie's group of friends going to the three men as it's time for the bachelorette traditions of...uh...the kidnapping of the middle ages...okay...and all of this is done to... “Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie! (A Man After Midnight),” a song about the singer singing about the perfect man...that...doesn't exist...



I wonder if after both this and “Super-Trooper,” an actual bride would take their mom or friends aside and ask if they were telling her something.


The only one who didn't participate is Sam, as he uses the time to talk to Sophie about what she drew during their time on the boat and starts putting two and two together when he sees Sophie's reactions to some of the things talks about when he...uh...talks about the last time he and Donna were together.


Gee, I don't know, mister dark haired, black eyed man. Are you the father of the blond hair, blue eyed woman?


After Donna says this was her mother's doing from Heaven...


Causing more people who saw the second movie first to have their brains screaming.


...Sophie meets up with Harry, and the two talk about his life outside the island...that us until he asks if her dad's here, causing her to confess she has no clue who he is...and him to put two and two together.


Gee, I don't know, mister brown haired, brown eyed man. Are you the father of the blond haired, blue eyed woman?


Finally, she gets to Bill and he asks how her mom got the villa in the first place. It turns out, when Sophie was little, Donna took care of the old lady who used to live there and when she passed on, willed her enough money to get the place. This causes Bill to realize the old lady was his great aunt Sophia...and Sophie reveals that's who she's named after and he starts to put two and two together.


Gee, I don't know, mister blond haired, blue eyed man. Are you the father of the blond haired, blue eyed woman?


When Bill confirms Sophie is 20...and considering Donna doesn't know who the father is, this means all 3 met her again SOMEHOW in 1988...Bill confirms that he might be kinda sorta maybe doesn't know definitely her dad and will give her away tomorrow. No, really, that's how this plays out because he flip flops on “Maybe, yeah” right before the other two dads pop up and say they're gonna do the same thing in the middle of Sky's friends trying to take the women during their party to “Voulez-Vous.” Naturally, this leads Sophie to freak the heck out and faint on the spot.


I say it's more she realized they're singing an ABBA song, but that's me.


So, Sophie's and Donna's friends work on a plan to distract the dads and fix this mess...except it leads to an even bigger mess of “You think they're saying one thing when they're saying the other,” with Bill thinking Harry is coming out and Harry thinking Bill still has a thing for Donna. Speaking of Donna, time for those consequences to catch up to both her and her daughter, as Sophie breaks down when Donna asks what she wants...except Donna thinks this is all to call off the wedding, leading to a big blow up, with Sophie saying her kids are gonna know who their daddy's gonna be.


What? Likable people? Pheh, next thing you'll tell me a romantic comedy has to have the “Romance” part.


And we actually do see Donna kept something from one of her boyfriends, Sam...1 hour and 4 minutes in...his bagpipes. This leads to Sam and Donna having a mini-reunion with them talking about what's best for Sophie...and what she really wants, leading Donna to say she's super duper happy to be single and doesn't need any help from Sam.


Anybody else remember she sang “Money, Money, Money?”


The result is the very thing Broson signed up for, a duet with Streep singing “SOS.” It's somehow both fitting...and not at the same time. It exposes that they both still have feelings for each other...except in the first act, Donna was honest about her moving on and clearly wants to show she can do things without his help, even still resents that he's on the island...and his feelings for her JUST came back when he got the invite. Considering the song is about a couple on the verge of splitting that don't want to split, it's a bit confusing...but, hey, we gotta have the ABBA quota here, that's why we got “Waterloo” over water.


Speaking of using ABBA music when the plot says we don't have to, after Harry ditches Tanya, the bartender from last night, and one of Sky's friends, tries to put the moves on her and she replies back with “Does Your Mother Know,” about exactly what you think it is. Ah, nothing like the romantic comedy musical made to target your aunt, mom, and possibly grandma, to have a scene (and song) involving a woman wanting to have an affair with somebody you have to ask what grade they're in.


And that's all you're gonna get out of me, this song has no purpose and if you edited it out after Harry's jump, nothing would be lost. Maybe there was something in the original play, but it got kicked out for time or something...though...why did they keep the start of it i---forget it.

Speaking of Harry, he comes back to the hotel and gives Donna a check to help her with both the wedding and the island...causing Donna to refuse to accept it as Harry tries to run and hide so she can't refuse the check.


Not sure if that's how it works legally...also, remember, “Money, Money, Money.”


During all of this, Sophie confesses her stupid plan to Sky, complete with saying...well, it was stupid and her “My gut” idea didn't work. This causes Sky to blow up and think the wedding was why to do that when, as she mentioned with her joke about jeans and beer, all along he just wanted to take two witnesses to the mainland and elope after all.


Hold out for Vegas, an Elvis Impersonator can marry you AND it'd be legal! Be something to tell your kids.


After the blow up, Sam pops up and tries talk to Sophie out of doing the wedding, only to frustrate her even more, causing her to run all the way back to Donna...who gets a few snips in about Sophie's friends not helping her getting ready.


Again, who needs people to be LIKABLE in a romantic comedy?


Actually, this sets up one of the most touching scenes in the movie as Donna, while getting Sophie ready, sings “Slipping Through My Fingers” and reflects about being one step closer to her daughter leaving the nest. And, I'll admit it, there's tears in my eyes over this thanks to Streep's performance, the segment showing mom and daughter getting ready for the wedding, and how reflective the song is.


Excuse me, I got something in my eye...and gotta call up something manly for no reason...




After Sophie asks if she's been more of a hindrance than a daughter, Donna reveals that the reason she wound up doing everything on her own, from the villa to raising Sophie, is because her strict mother told her to never comeback due to having a kid.


Even if you didn't see the second movie for this one, Hell, just knowing who plays Donna's mother in it, your brain is going into meltdown mode.


Sam tries for one last time to both give Sophie away AND repair his relationship with Donna, which leads to her singing “The Winner Takes It All...” which...I don't get... A good example for why is there's a lyric that asks “Does she kiss you like I used to,” except we don't see hide or hair about Sam's wife...or even know if they were still together until he saw Donna again...and the break up in the song is supposed to be relatively recent, given the content so...why this song?


Well, it's finally time for the wedding...that Sophie is obviously mad that Donna ran late because she was singing a badly timed break up song off key. Hey, 20 some years is better than never, right? Well, the wedding kinda stops when Donna decides to reveal who Sophie's dad is...and Sophie reveals her stupid stupid plan that...par for the stupid says Donna easily forgives and Sophie forgives her mom for not telling her a dang thing. Family therapy, counseling, and possible resentment? Those are icky icky ICKY thoughts, we got a wedding to continue!


Well...not so fast, as Sam, Bill, and Harry have their turn to interrupt the wedding. Sam admits that he came back to the island after breaking up the engagement to his fiance at the time...only to hear Donna moved on and got his other wife on the grounds that...she married Sam to prove that Sam's an idiot? ...what year's the resentment anniversary? Well, anyway, this causes Donna to fall in love with him all over again! It'd be...no, no, there's no word other than stupid for this.


Harry takes his turn, and agrees to share Sophie with Sam and comes out right then and there...only that part doesn't really factor into the plot, so let's jump right into Bill's saying “I'll be a dad, too,” and we can FINALLY get this wedding go---





So...get this...after all 3 dads say they're chill being 3 dads, Sophie realizes that all of this was to...SOMEHOW...teach her that she has plenty of time to actually get married and suggests that she and Sky go around the world and settle down later, causing everybody to cheer! Again, file any anger and resentment family and friends might have at this activity that took time out of their lives and away from their own loved ones as “Consequences are icky.” But, hey, we got a priest, we got a church, AND we got a love rekindled as Sam and Donna agreed to get married as Sam belts out “I Do, I Do, I Do.”


And this, per rules for par for the stupid, actually works as the two get married! Years of resentment, bitter anger, moments that made you wonder why these people should be together or even near anything that can be called a weapon? Who cares! We need our happy ending! Complete with “When Is All Said And Done” during the reception. And, yes folks, if you know your ABBA, this was the very song all 4 members wrote and performed...about their divorce!


Yes, I complained that they had no guts to change the cover to reflect the plot...except the one time they do...and it's the song that the band admitted to singing when they were going through the motions of being in mourning over the end of their relationships! You just can't win with this band.


Well, even though the song is about the end of romances, it's not the end of the movie as, as I've said before, we HAVE to meet the ABBA quota as it turns out Rosie has a thing for Bill as they start a round of the song “Take a Chance On Me.” They've never interacted until the boat scene, this is the first they were right next to each other...but it's time for love!


Oh, don't worry, they'll make a prequel to retcon this later. It'll also cause that headache that you have in the back of your head.


The crack from earlier with the love water from earlier finally breaks, everybody dances with each other because magic water...I think...they're not clear...we get a reprise of “Mamma Mia,” and then we see Sky and Sophie leave the island to a reprise of “I Have a Dream...” Only to have our movie FINALLY end when Donna and the Dynamos come up from the ocean to sing “Dancing Queen,” causing every non ABBA/disco fan to countdown until they can drag their loved ones to Rock of Ages in revenge (Only to regret doing that themselves)...


Only for drunk aunt karaoke to continue as they break into “Waterloo,” complete with the 3 dads joining in, followed by Sophie and Sky...and...the Greek Gods...sure, all we had was that Aphrodite legend that really didn't pay off as it was never said if the water was really magic or not or that Donna's helpers were the fates, but sure, WHY NOT!?


Because while the Beatles had a diverse catalog (And a movie staff having the balls to change a song's meeting/genre) and it was easier to turn Pink Floyd's concept album into a story, a jukebox musical full of ABBA songs is full of problems.


When you limit to one group and try to be as strict as possible to their style, or even meaning, it's gonna clash with the characters one way or another. As much as somebody like me who does negative reviews for comedy jokes that viewers can be idiots, we know better; viewers are gonna remember that Donna sung the WHOLE thing of “Money, Money, Money” so when THREE loaded exes come by to help, she's gonna look like a stubborn moron when she gets what the song says she's been wishing for. And guys? PANNING OVER WATER DOESN'T MEAN “PLAY 'WATERLOO,'” it means you're panning over water.


Also, again, I would think if a bride heard her mom or friends sing “Super-Trooper” or “Gimmie! Gimmie! Gimmie!” the night before her big important wedding, I think she'd be a bit pissed off and wonder if their friends are (Not so) subtlety trying to tell her something. THOSE AREN'T LOVE SONGS!


Not to mention, I said before, there's moments like “Does Your Mother Know” that can be dumped with nothing important lost, or stuff like singing “Take a Chance On Me” with two of the characters who only interacted close to each other when the song started. And, seriously, what was up with the fountain, the Greek Gods, and the assistants being the fates? We don't get any magic beyond what I just said, and even then, it's suggestive at best and in a bad way.


HOWEVER...


Not all of this movie was bad and it had some stuff I actually wish other romantic comedies had. I love the idea that the three guys were just like “Oh, you dated her once? That's cool” and bond with both each other and Sophie over the memories they had of Donna. Trust me, in an age where the rom-com still has “Ex am bad” as a plot device, it's a breath of fresh-air. All the actors worked well off of each other, clearly having fun even if Brosnon was only there to work with Streep.


Which...yeah, that's an awesome reason.


And...ok, as somebody who hates disco and ABBA as a band...most of the covers were pretty good.


Oh, don't get me wrong, I still hate ABBA. Anybody who'd be dumb enough to try to play “Dancing Queen” around me will find out what a South Park fan means when they say “Roshambo.” But that doesn't mean not all of the songs, especially these covers, aren't catchy. The covers of “Dancing Queen,” “I Have a Dream,” and the title track itself, “Mamma Mia,” are gonna be in my head with good reason despite my dislike of ABBA. Really helps that at least the cast has fun singing these songs.


Still, there's better jukebox musicals out there and if you wanna hear the covers for yourself, I can only recommend the soundtrack for more casual fans or fans of the band. If you loved the original play, you might find SOMETHING to enjoy, but for the most part? Hope you like the water stuff, 'cause this is a wash out.


But we're not done yet. Oh no, see, there was a sequel to this movie...a mere 10 years later...and with Streep as a cameo. Why you may ask?


Re-read that “Mere 10 years later” and ask if Universal cared enough to pay her usual fee.


FINAL VERDICT: For songs that don't fit, moments of characters being together just for a song, songs and scenes that didn't need to be in, unlikable jerk characters, BUT redeeming points for chemistry, catchy covers, this movie gets a MST3K B-MOVIE BOMB! I actually had fun rewriting this lost review...but that's my extent of it outside of the covers being in my head. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to prep myself for movie 2, meaning using the back half of the ABBA catalog...you know...their divorce songs.


*SLAM*


Oh, that's just the case file on it...I have to get a forklift for the therapy book. See ya in awhile.

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