Note: This is an old review, the third comic book one I've done (I'll post the other two at a later date). I'm going to do a brand new special project with this that I'll announce soon after a couple of other reviews go up. In the meantime, enjoy my first look at a Hanna-Barbara Beyond comic...Oh God...
In early 2016, DC announced that they were going to expand their line to include comic books based on classic Hanna-Barbera cartoon properties: Scooby-Doo, The Flintstones, and Wacky Races would get their own books, and more action oriented cartoons such as Johnny Quest and Space Ghost would get a team up book.
And the reaction was... oh, God.
The Scooby book, Scooby Apocalypse, presented a modern take on the gang...in a world where humanity is turned to monsters thanks to a virus made by Velma and her brothers under the idea of “BE NICE, DAMN IT” only for the brothers to make it “OBEY US, DAMN IT” and still screw it up.
The Wacky Racers book, Wacky Raceland, had the story be about sentient cars and their drivers in a post-apocalyptic (Unrelated to the Scooby book, last I read anyway) wasteland, driving around thanks to a mysterious announcer, and gave us a not-so-evil Dick Dastardly and turned an established character into a transexual because “DC IS DIVERSE, DAMN IT!”
Yeah, to cover my basses on that, I'd have no problems if it was a new character thrown in or if there was a in-story reason for this...but the issue I read didn't have ether, so...yeah, transexual for shock value.
Yeah, I read only one or two issues of those series (The team up book was ok) and didn't pick up another one with good reason. So you can guess why I didn't pick up anything after The Flintstones #1.
And you can probably guess why everybody's reaction to the comics went to “OH, JESUS, MY CHILDHOOD!”
DC doesn't have a problem doing kids' stories, they currently have a couple of Scooby-Doo all ages books, one of which is a team up with all ages versions of their heroes, and have for a long time (I don't know if, as of this writing, they still do) published a long running Loony Tunes comic book. DC decided these new HANNA-BARBARA books will NOT be for kids.
No, they decided it would be for the grown ups, a combination of their current main audience and those that grew up watching the shows...by saying one of the Mystery Inc. members tried to force people to think happy thoughts in one of the books and shouting “Look what we did to this character and his/her car” in another, HELLO!?
To be fair and to see where the series went after the first issue in case there's any lasting impacts, I'm also going to look up the TV Tropes for this thing so I don't have to read another issue of this...uh...thing. You'll see why in a minute.
So we open in the modern day...
And the book lost half of the original's fanbase, didn't it?
Yeah...you know the book's gonna try too hard when it opens with the modern day right before jumping into the modern stone age.
...where two people are talking about a frozen cave man, wearing a head piece made out of an animal and stones around his neck, wondering what life was like in the modern stone age, which cues the jump to a two page spread of Bedrock.
Ah, yes, the full town of Bedrock, home to such things like Slates Quarry, the local bowling ally known as Crane's Lanes, the near by Tarpit superstore, the Spears & Robuck behind it and the Bird Slavery Empor---uh...oooh... ooooh... oh boy... yeah...if I said Dino's viewed as an “Uncle Tom,” can I move on while shirt tugging? Please?
Ok...uh... and behind it is the Homo Erectus bar...
*THUD*
OW! OW! UNSUBTLE THUD HURT ME! OW!
Anyway, we then go to Slate's where we see Fred go into the boss's office and he's introduced to the company's newest employees, three neanderthals. Not that Slate cares, as he keeps calling them Cro-Mangons because “COMENTARY!” Fred gets tasked to showing them around town while he talks to Wilma, who's putting hand prints to paper and calling it art, and Wilma reminds him that both Fred & Barney have their veterans support group later.
Yeah...to skip ahead, this comic has commentary on war, specifically, depending on how it's written, Vietnam or the war on terror. In fact, Yabba-Dabba-Do isn't Fred's go to for “HELL YEAH,” it's what he used to tell his men to calm down and go kill some tree people.
Because THAT'S what you want to go with PTSD!
Well, turns out Fred forgot about that part and thus has no choice but to, along with Barney, take the Neanderthals with them...as they see a guy shout something along the lines of “YOU WEREN'T THERE, MAN! YOU WEREN'T THERE!” But hey, who needs to deal with that, WE GOT STONE AGE UFC TO WATCH!
I am not even kidding, right from one of Fred's former troop members having a freak out, we jump to a violent UFC style fight, which the Neanderthals freak out at the violence... which result in the crowd cheering the near death beating and pterodactyls picking at the knocked out guy as the fighter thanks Morp, their version of God.
After seeing them at a restaurant and a bit of Fred and Wilma at home, complete with a gag where Fred asks why they agreed to a traditional wedding where he traded 3 goats for her hand...
And if you knew where the comic would be going with that very subject, you will be hitting the wall a few times. Speaking of which...
*WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM*
...we finally see everybody at work...and the Neanderthals wondering what to do with money. In this day and age, my generation calls it “50 years of Student Loan payments to go.” Fred then gets a call from Wilma, saying her work was approved and he's happy for her as she goes shopping.
I'll say this for the comic, they got Fred and Wilma being a loving couple supporting each other right.
After the shopping, we jump to a party at Slate's that both Flintstones were invited to. Slate tries to be the life of the party, even daring one of the Neanderthals to kill a nearby mammoth. Well, that didn't go well and said Neanderthal winds up in the middle of an avalanche. And if you said “Wait, isn't there a frozen---” Yep, the same one from the beginning. Oh, it gets stupider, but that's for later.
After that mess, the Neanderthals conclude that civilization is not for them on the grounds that the point to them is “Get someone else to do your killing for you.”
*WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM*
Yeah, gonna do one-two-skip-a-few here: It's later revealed in the comic that the war Fred and the others fought against the “Tree People” wasn't a real war, they were lied to because their leaders wanted to turn the land into what became Bedrock. Subtle as a brick, ain't it? Excuse me.
*WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM**WHAM*
We then jump to the art gallery, where Wilma sees her art is...by the toilets. Turns out the critics didn't think much of her hand prints...and nether does Fred until Wilma reveals this is all because when she was younger, those that survived long journies in her tribe left hand prints on the wall and when it was her turn, it made her the happiest little girl in the tribe. This causes Fred to remark he never really knew her until this moment.
Guess you don't get much info for 3 goats, huh?
The issue, mercifully, ends when it jumps back to the modern day and, uh-oh, it looks like that neclace causes the frozen Neanderthal to be mistaken for Mr. Slate!
Hahahahahahahaha...wait until the issues talk about marriage traditions, right wing news, AND more war allegories, that's when it REALLY gets hilarious.
And that sarcastic response is for the spoilers I read so I can do an accurate review, but can you guys see why, just from this issue alone, I won't pick up issue 2 or beyond anytime soon unless I wanna review them?
Pretty art can only do so much for a bad story, and while the art is pretty, the story is bad. I have no problems with more adult takes on the modern stone age family, one of my favorite episodes of Harvey Birdman has Fred on trail for being a mob boss, but this? This is as unsubtle and insulting as you can get. The jokes suck, and considering the back bone of the original is rock puns that should be a red flag, later spoilers link Yaba Daba Doo to PTSD, because I'm sure that's what real life suffers want to see, and the commentary is painfully obvious be it going to a violent UFC match after a war flashback or the quote one of the Neanderthals said before they left.
And from what I read in the spoilers, it just gets worse and worse, including saying the sentient animals they own are slaves and Dino's their “Uncle Tom,” the very first news broadcast is a right wing story about how monogamy is wrong because “Back in our day, it wasn't done like that,” and like I said, Yabba Dabba Doo is linked to PTSD, something I really don't think real life sufferers would enjoy.
The thing about The Flintstones is that it's supposed to be a knock off of The Honeymooners, only the tone is more family friendly than even the original show. It has stuff like an ep where Fred finds gold, brain switching, learning self defense, and so on. The closest to adult topics it came to vs. the comic is saying the Rubbles had to adopt without saying why, and an ep where Barney tricks Fred into thinking he's a counterfeiter.
How we go from that to a comic about a boss not caring calling Neanderthals the C-Word, I yabba-dabba-don't know.
Blame the comic and the spoilers for me making a pun that stupid, I've punished myself enough.
FINAL VERDICT: For going too far in the adult direction, for humor and storytelling that barley represents the show, but for pretty art, and touching moments with Fred and Wilma, this movie gets a MST3K B-MOVIE BOMB! I'll admit, the art's good and the touching moments with Fred and Wilma are just as good as the show's...but the story still takes the adult stuff a bit too far, and the spoilers to what happens after here just make this issue worse. Now if you'll excuse me, I wanna jump on this band wagon since there's an audience...I know... so I'm gonna look at what I can do with the PBS Kids line up. Ok, let's give the purple dino some fangs!
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